My Bestie

For some reason lately I keep thinking of that time back in winter/spring of 2009. I thought my life was perfect. There wasn't a thing that I would have done to change it. But like all things I got ants in my pants and changed it up.

Of course there has been lots of changes. Like my job (or lack there of), my new baby, me, me, me. Yeah I get tired thinking about me all the time. I guess if I had some friends to occupy my mind I wouldn't have to. I mean I have lots of friends, but I really miss the bonding you do when you're working with them. You know what I mean- the group of you that can get along, even that token annoying person, because you have that one common thing. Work. I like work.

I really am enjoying my time home with Rowan and all that. I love writing in my book, moving rooms, and going to lunch with my Mom every Friday... but I went to a little party thing and of course most of the people I knew because I used to work there. I know this is silly because if I did work there I'd probably be all "I wish I could quit" but I really wish I could be accepted. The money is nice, but it's the people is why I'd be crazy enough to go back.

I just don't have that bond with any of my girlfriends anymore (or anyone hence the missing working at that place). You know, that kindred spirit kind of bond like in Anne of Green Gables. I don't really have a bff (bff's are for fools). Okay I only said that because I'm jealous. I'm like the only girl in the world that doesn't talk about my "bestie" or write our names in a heart with an arrow- oh wait that last one was for lovers. I suppose I could do that with Kirby.

I'll be blunt. It really sucks I don't have a bestie of all my own that I can actually talk to and stuff. Maybe I should send letters to all my girlfriends and have them check the bff box to find one that way.

It's probably good that I'm already married. If I were to plan a wedding I wouldn't have a maid of honor. How sad is that?? You know what's sad? I have never been in a wedding (besides my own and that doesn't count... or my mom's when I was like 12 or something).

Okay I'm done sulking for now I guess I'll go do something productive. Like facebook.

disappointed

I know that I need to blog more, but I guess being a new mother you just never have time... and it also helped before when I could do it from my phone and I did it when I couldn't sleep. I no longer have a "smart" phone. My phone isn't dumb by any means, but it doesn't know any better.

Anyway my house has been topsy turvy because we have officially moved Rowan out of our room. That doesn't sound like much of a project considering the largest thing of his is only a crib... but when it means moving the older boys into the loft, Gwyneth into their old room, him in her old room, and then we decide (as if we're not crazy enough) to get a new bedroom suite and redo OUR room. Oh did I mention we have to find homes for everything that was in the loft? So I'll be participating this year in the garage sale our edition does every year. See ya there!

I have been writing a lot the last couple weeks before this project showed it's ugly head. I think it might actually turn out pretty okay. I guess we'll have to see once I'm done. I do it when Rowan is napping so it's going a lot slower than I anticipated. Maybe I'll actually publish it and make some money. I think the important thing is that I do it because I want to, not because I have to.

I really need to find something to do with myself to make myself feel productive. I haven't worked since Frankenankle. Well I have, but not much. I feel like I'm foundering out there. Good think Kirby can help us while I'm flopping around on the ground. Cuz if we were both fish out of water I think we'd both be in trouble.

Well I really have a lot to say, but no time right now. I'm going to play
Dominion. Maybe I can be successful there. It is a friggin awesome game if you have never played. Never mind we are not going to play. poop. I guess we'll just sit in front of the boob tube for an hour.

Wasting away... (the real blog)

Have you ever felt you needed to say or explain something to another person and just no matter how much time, thought, or effort put anything into it?? Well I have been doing that for the last few days. I think I'm finally at a point I can relax. I'm in the clear and the issues are going to resolve themselves with out my butting in. I just hope my butting in didn't bother them too much. I don't know what's wrong with me- why I do that!!

Ugh I feel like I'm wasting my life. Like I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen and nothing is happening. Maybe I should get off of the computer. hardy harr harr

I wish I could cut myself away from the worldly things that don't matter and focus on the things that do. In turn I will become the one making things happen and creating something worthwhile. My mind is like a buzzz. what??

I didn't even like that last blog I wrote. It's like I was just filling air. Now that I got it out of the way I can write a real blog. I do that sometimes when I pray. I ramble on and on and pray for this and that and say "amen" then I'm like you know what God, that really sucked and I'm a bad prayer and then I really talk to Him.

I don't know why I'm like that. I guess I get excited to make something and get it out now and fast that I can't truly relax and do what I need to do until I'm done. Like lets see results!! Must be all that factory work I did. push push push and let someone else make sure you're making good quality crap. Only on here it's up to me to be sure it's good quality crap.

The Spaghetti's

I think he has my smile... My mom always told me I had my dad's smile, so therefore he's got my dad's smile. Cute. He is one smart little baby. He was so fussy and cranky and crying I went to get his jammies to put him to bed early. So after I got his jammies on I stand him up and he starts squealing. He laughs and squeals and has a good ole time for the next 45 minutes. Smart boy. He knew what was coming if he didn't behave.

So I was just thinking I wonder if you can ever really truly get drama out of your head. I mean it seems like my life is sometimes a soap opera. Well only in my head. Cuz the outside is normal and I think if someone were to watch me like the Truman Show they would be very bored.

I spent and hour and a half today cleaning carpets. Exciting edge of your seat stuff! I'm afraid "The Spaghetti's" would get canceled before the first season finished. That is because I can't afford those fancy writer that had the strike a few years ago.

I almost said the writers that stroked (and I know this is mean), but I pictured a bunch of elderly people out on the lawn with their pickets stroking and twitching. I never said my writing wasn't callous at points. "The Spaghetti's" -boring and offensive.

I learned something this week. If you bring your drink in the living room when you know you shouldn't and you spill it- it is much easier to clean if half of it isn't under the couch. I also learned about the real Dracula. He was a psychopath, I think. A royal psychopath. You know that he found a way to take care of the poor and sick? He invited all of them for a big dinner at his castle- and then locked them in and set the room on fire! He also impaled thousands of people (women and children included) and left them up on steaks for over 3 months to scare the Turkish army.

Also- I wanted to clear part of Garry's name. My dear old kitty. I miss him so much. A few weeks ago we stumbled upon cat puke in the kitchen. I know it wasn't Garry's ghost haunting me. Garry loved me. It was Millers. Millie the bad kitty who pukes in private and blames it on Garry!!

Butt Out

Why don't people tell me to butt out of things that aren't my business. Why can't I be wise enough to know that I need to back away?

Okay so I'm interfering on grounds that I have no right to. I think that perhaps I am too sympathetic. I feel too sorry so I want to help. I want to show that there is hope. But I'm making it worse. So I'm done. I'm done "helping" and I'm done being a part of something I shouldn't have made myself a part of. I'm done spending my time fretting and consumed by something I have no control of. I'm done making things worse.

We'll only see, right?