frustrated

When I look at the big picture everything seems so simple, but when I'm in the midst of it nothing seems easy at all. Why is that?

So I went to this thingie yesterday that was absolutely not worth my time at all. I'm starting to wonder if anything is worth my time... and what is my time worth? Because obviously my time isn't worth anything if I continuously waste it on things that don't matter and things that aren't getting me anywhere.

So I get home and the husband is sick in bed with a wicked cold. Of course the general lady population knows how the general men population is when they are sick. *cough* big babies *cough* It isn't so much that Kirby is a baby, but more on the lines that he is cranky. I want to help him and I never manage to do it in a sufficient manner and he does these gestures where he acts all frustrated like he's going to get up and do it himself (like get his medicine) when all I need to know is where it is because I never take the ibuprofen (and he does)... but instead I take an extra 15 minutes looking for it and I'm exhausted from my retarded trip and 3 hour drive as it is.

I'll be honest- I have no patience. I don't think I ever have. Sometimes it's good, but not really good for my bedside manner. I want to help him, but you have to help me help you. I'm not a mind reader. If you want a cool rag and say no the first time I offer it and then change your mind- say so. You say you're going to take care of the tooth fairy and you don't, then expect me to do it at midnight- well why didn't you just ask me to do it in the first place??

Of course I was kind of mad about that because I think he got the cold from the tooth fairy because she "forgot" Josh's tooth the first night and suddenly he's sick. Hmm?? I knew that wasn't regular dust on the collar of his 80/20 shirt.

So apparently he's well enough to go to work and leave me with the hooligans and a sore throat. I'm just so mad about so many little things going on with these kids that I just don't know where to start. I know I haven't been raising them to do the things they're doing (or not doing). So why all of a sudden are they being they way they are (or not)?

And with the oldest that is suddenly not a kid (in his eyes) and doesn't think he has to follow the house rules- well I don't really know where my place of authority is with him... Of course I'm willing to make exceptions to the house rules for any of the children if they can demonstrate the proper responsibility and own up to things like... I don't know for example, spilling things in the living room ottoman when they know they shouldn't have had them. Perhaps, then maybe I can make exceptions as long as we can continue to show we are responsible.

I don't think he should be treated with the same caliber as the younger kids (yet he is only 2 years different from MY oldest) So he's not THAT little... Hmm. I don't want to press the issue because I don't want to nag. Where is the balance? He's a guest and we love him like our own so we want him to continue to come over and stay with us, I just wish I knew how to reach out and do what's right for him. He's a good kid, but I worry about other things, too.

Well I think I've complained enough for today.

Lesson: If the catnip is empty, maybe you should get a cat to find some more.