Thursday, January 19, 2017

Dear Child

To my daughter,
(written 02/05/2015)

Sometimes as a mother saying "I love you" just isn't enough.  Sometimes we have to find a way to let you really know how much

There will never be a pain you have that I won't have had myself.  But I can't break down when you do because I need to hold your hand.  Sometimes I just have to try to be there because you won't let me hold your hand.  There will never be a sorrow you feel that won't pain me as well.  I have to put on a strong face so I can be strong for you. 

Your accomplishments are my pride, but you won't let me run around the room cheering for you.  You happiness brings me unspeakable joy.  I tuck it away so I can smile on it when you're away from me.  Your are a part of my heart, my being, and my soul.  You've been a part of me from the moment I first knew I had the privilege to be the one you call "Mom." 

My lovely daughter, do you know how you provoke me?  I have felt every range of every emotion trying to teach you and raise you into the beautiful woman you're becoming.  I get so frustrated because I want the best for you!  You drive me crazy, but I adore that!  Sometimes I feel anger, but that's okay because I care so much it upsets me that I can't do anything for you. ... Or when you're too stubborn to see that I am right.

Sometimes you hurt me deeply, but no fleeting emotion can ever make me love you less.  It crushes me you're afraid to tell me things becuase you think you're going to be in trouble.     

Sometimes I have to hold it in so I can be strong for you.  I'm sorry if that seems like I don't care.  Sometimes I cry in secret for you.  I hate when your friends hurt you and when you struggle with something new.  I want to do everything for you, but I know you can't grow if I do.

It's hard being a girl.  What you see isn't always what you get.  Sometimes we can feel multiple conflicting emotions about one little thing.

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