sad news

I'm very sorry this evening to announce my favorite old man cat died today. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. I cried so much. If anyone wants to insult my grieving by telling me I did the wrong thing then keep your comments to yourself. If anyone has been in my shoes you know how difficult and heartbreaking this is for me. Garry has been with me for so long it feels as if a part of me died today. I have this big empty hole inside me. It's as if my arm was cut off. My thoughts are consumed with him at this moment.

We could have done a test to find out where exactly and how big the tumor was and to see if it was operable... but I didn't want to put him through surgery, especially if they couldn't guarantee that would save him... He was very jaundice so whatever it was was hurting him badly. I also couldn't take him home to let him starve himself. I even tried to entice him with some baby cereal (I remember him sneaking into Rowan's bowl several weeks ago).

I don't know if I could have done more or not. He smelled of death and I knew the end was coming. I didn't want it to be today. I didn't want it to be next week or even next year. I'm selfish. I want my cat back annoying me. Licking loud, purring loud, pawing at me.

Garry update

I'm afraid as I write this Garry isn't doing too well. I was encouraged slightly Friday because he decided to eat what I offered him and was up and around a little more... Friday night he vomited a lot... So Saturday I took him to the vet.

They did some blood work and found a few things that worried them. They also found a lump they think is a tumor. I could do a test, but at his age he said it isn't likely to be anything else. Also not much I can do. I could get a test to see if it's operable, but that doesn't mean it hasn't spread. I have had surgeries. I know how it is. I don't want to put him through that stress, especially if there is a chance it won't but buy another month.

He was dehydrated so they gave him an IV and also some anti-nausea medication and his temp was low so I had him under my electric blankie for a while... He was like a rag doll- so lethargic. We made a pallat on him in front of one of the heaters (one of his favorite spots). He barely ate anything I offered him and hardly drank. I even microwaved the cat food (and it really makes a stink- like cat breath in my kitchen). He hasn't eaten anything today. I don't know that he has made an effort to drink anything.

I am going to take him to the vet again tomorrow. I'm afraid I may have to make a decision I don't want to. Do I continue to take him every other day and give him fluids and medication via IV to "keep him comfortable" or do the other thing? I'm not ready to let him go. I looked at Millie and she is a good cat, but not a lap cat. I wouldn't want her to be Garry... I don't know if I can make that decision. I hate to see him this way, but he's been a part of my life for 13 1/2 years! He is older than my oldest child! I can't see my life with out him. I know he's "just a cat" but to me his also a family member. Anyone that knows me knows Garry!

I know I can't bargain, but that doesn't mean the thoughts haven't crossed my mind... I wouldn't mind if Garry puked in the middle of the living room floor. Or dug his claws into my leg trying to get his balance. He can gobble his snacks too fast (if only he would eat one!). I would love for him to crawl under the blankets and bite me if I move and make it uncomfortable for him. I haven't gotten a "belly massage" since before I was pregnant. He can run his motor purr and bite my hair. Ugh, I hate crying before bed.

Who is going to snuggle me when I have my migraines? Who is going to help me sweep and mop my kitchen floor (by help I mean get in the way)? And sneak in the pantry when we're getting the cat food? Who is going to lock themselves in the closet cuz they fell asleep on the towels? Will I have to make sure the kids cups of water are dumped or else I find them all knocked over in the morning? Who is going to get caught with the baby's cereal on his nose because he was in the dirty dishes getting a snack? Or annoy me with their obsessive licking?

I have cried with him so many times. I have laughed with him and I have gotten so MAD at him. I want to continue to do those things with him. Pet him, push him off my lap 50 times only to look down and realize he found a way in it anyway. Get him to do his "tricks" and kiss him. Scratch him under his chin... Okay I'd better stop.

Poor Garry, kitty

I'm very sad writing this. For those of you that don't know Garry (full name Giarraputo) is my "old man cat" also known as Garry-puko. I have had him since I was 17. He used to sit on the edge of the bathtub and watch me shower and stuff- which is why I started calling him man-cat. He was kind of a pervert, I think.

He was given to me by my ex-mil because she and I are kindred spirits in the cat loving world. His mom's name was Baby and Baby was a very smallish cat and ran out once and got knocked up. We don't know who Garry's father is. Probably a taco cat. Taco cats were the tiger-stripey male cats that hung around outside at the time Baby got her taste of freedom. Now from what the kids tell me there are Oreo cats (my ex-mil would feed the strays and drop off's as she lives out in the boonies). So anyway she told me I could have whatever kitten I wanted out of the litter and she would keep it for me until I moved out on my own and could have cats. Baby had 1 kitten. Garry. Garry is an only kitten. Pick o' the litter.

So I had a normal cat name for him. I don't remember what it was and Mark's brother renamed him Giarraputo, after Jack Giarraputo the movie guy. And that stuck, obviously.

So anyway Garry went on one of his puking rampages he does sometimes and went at it for about the last 3 days. I figure he'd be on the mend and told Kirby we should really consider getting old man cat food instead of the all ages cat food we currently buy.

Garry started acting funny, he puked in the kitchen and I held him down. He likes to freak out and run and hence spray vomit all over. He didn't fight me... okay that was weird. So later I was treadmilling it up and he started crying. He had continued through the day to cry off and on. I feel bad cuz I shoo'd him away thinking he was going to wake the napping baby. When he was around he wasn't really that active and he started hiding. I noticed his vomit (after the kitchen one) was really foamy bile stuff. Not good. I picked him up (he is a very small kitty 7lbs at most) he felt so light and bony.

Anyway I'm so worried for him. He's curled up under the baby's bed and purrs when I pet him. My mom thinks I should take him to the vet, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him to sleep. I don't want him hurting or miserable. If I go to the vet and we have to put him to sleep I'm afraid I won't be able to even drive home!

Everyone keeps telling me he is old... Well he is old, but not THAT old. He's about 13 1/2. Which is only about 65 human years. I don't know what I'm going to do. That cat has been my constant vomiting companion. Millie will be so sad, too. She has known him all her life. The reason we got Millie is because I didn't want Garry to be lonely when we worked all the time.

Anyway I don't want to start crying thinking about it. I hope Garry snaps out of it. My mom has a foster kitty, Kiki. She said I could foster it if I wanted... I just don't know. I always said once Garry kicked the bucket I wasn't getting anymore cats! But I figured Garry'd be around for another 3 years or more. I hope so.

Missed 1/11/11

Just quick update here. I think I have my Internet problem fixed so maybe I'll be able to blog more?? I guess that depends on how much sleep I get. Rowan was sleeping through the night... now several nights a week he finds it more amusing to not sleep. He's a tease!

I keep forgetting to call my mom to check on her until it's like 10:30. I know she has work to keep her busy and I have to chastise myself for forgetting. Sorry mom! She said she has lost some weight and otherwise seems to be getting along okay. I think she keeps herself busy. Which is good. She asked me last week about joining some kind of gym.

I think that is a great idea. I haven't lost my love handles from being pregnant yet (does anyone remember those commercials where people are walking and their love handles drop off and someone picks them up and puts them in the lost and found or something??) I'll have to google to see if I can find it and put a link on. It's hilarous. I told Kirby if I jump too much my floppy stomach might hit me in the face. We got a treadmill so I have been walking on that... I haven't fallen on it yet. Thank goodness. It's a little hard on frankenankle, but I think that is probably good for it. When it is stronger I plan on calling it my "bionic ankle."

I do have some good news. For those of you that know about my previous job at the AT&T. Well I was approved for something they said I wouldn't be able to get. woot to me. I know I mentioned I really wanted to blog about what a horrible company they are... but I also know that no one really would want to read it. At least I wouldn't. Too much negativity. Anyhoo I'm so happy that something has finally gone "my way" in regards to that awful place. Show them to be mean to a pregnant lady (a pregnant broken lady)!!

So lastly I was supposed to have jury duty and they "excused" me. Well- to them I am # A19-53 thru A19-101 who is excused. So it wasn't even personal. I even made extra bottles for tomorrow for Rowan! I know I am weird, but seriously- I think jury duty could be fun. I never did it so I could be wrong, but I was really looking forward to it. Also I was looking forward to going through the metal detector to see if my ankle will set it off. *sigh* eventually I will find out.

Blended Catfood

You know you're off to a good New Year when... Garry does a number on my chair. It looked like I took a blender to the cat food and poured it all over the seat. I should start up my own photo-journal with the adventures of Garry. He is normally very good at not puking on the furniture, but I guess even he has his off days in his old age... He's like 65 or something in cat years. Between him and Rowan I'm glad I don't have new carpet!

My dad's memorial last Sunday went off really well. It was short and sweet and ended on a pleasant note. Also, my pastor came to pay his respects (he didn't know my dad) and ended up doing a little more. That was really nice of him, really- very nice. So how do we thank him, but to over sleep today and miss church (Sorry Pastor Larry).

Anyway- My mom had some words to say and they were so sweet... I wish I could remember them all. I should ask her sometime when she is feeling more up to it. I would like to record them in her memory book I made for her. I read all the comments people left me and what my uncle Rich emailed me, then Jarrod had some words to say. We then gathered in the dining room and had some of the left over Christmas snacks from the day before. I think it turned out really well. Especially for "winging it" and I hope I never have the burden of doing something like that ever again!!

I had my brother over a couple times before he left and I got aggravated because we were bickering like old times (Then that made me laugh cuz what are we 12?). No, I didn't laugh in front of him. That would have exasperated the situation. I mean that is only the 3rd time I've seen my brother since I was 16 (that is 14 years for those that don't know how old I am to do the math). Mom must have said something to him because he called the other night and said he really did love me and it was good to see me and my kids are beautiful. I was like- who are you and where is my brother... cuz I know he could kick your ass. It was nice.

I should have said something back, but I didn't. Well no one ever said I had to be perfect (and the more you try the more you mess up). Kinda like when you're running late and you hurry to save time and end up making little mistakes (like mascara in the eye) that makes it so you're even later than if you'd just do what you normally do. Deep breaths, turbo!

May this year bring something special the others haven't yet. Maybe I'll remember to mail out all the birthday cards and stuff on time for once! I still have the same mother's day card for the last 3 years to give to my mom and grandma. I didn't find a fathers day card so I'm hoping I actually remembered to give it to my dad. I guess you never know when the last holiday is going to be with those you love so don't forget the little things- they can make all the difference.