Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Frankenankle Update

This is for those actually interested in what I have to say (well of course you are mildly interested or you wouldn't read) and how my ankle is doing. I can't imagine it is interesting reading... If my ankle weren't broke I probably wouldn't read much of others constant complaining. Not that it's complaining today. It's rather update/good news.

So anyway I had my appt today and I have to be in the boot full time for the rest of the week.... ugh. so on Monday the 6th I can put 25% of my weight on it. I can start to walk with pressure- music to my ears!! So how do we know what 25% of my weight is?? I have to weigh myself, divide that by 4, then put pressure on the scale with my bad foot until I reach 25% so I know how much I can do. Clever, eh? I always wondered how you would know how much to put on it. I figured until it hurt too bad or something. The tricky part is getting ON the scale in the first place. I think if I jump on it- it won't like me.

So after a while I'll work up to 50% and so on and so forth until I am at 100% and no crutches. He give me about 6 weeks to accomplish that.

The best part?? Once I am weight bearing I can take the boot off to sleep! If you have ever slept in one of those you know how uncomfortable it is- and bulky- and hot- and itchy (that last part is probably just my leg healing or muscle atrophy-ing! I will be boot free hopefully in about 5 weeks. I am going to work really super hard.

My next blog will be- a birth announcement! I know you're all ready for those details.

ps- My orthopedic Dr said I have stainless steel in me. He also informed me I will not set off any metal detectors. I am a little disappointed in that news, but I shouldn't let it deter me from trying!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Worry Worry Wart!

There will be a baby this week!!! Also I have an ankle appt tomorrow/today. I'm so nervous and excited. I'm worried my range of motion isn't good enough. I really hope to be able to start to put pressure on it. My good knee still screams in pain and pops now. Yikes!

Kirby says it will get better when I get rid of some of this heavy belly. That is this week ready or not. I have to have a c-section (if you ever have a choice natural is better and you heal faster).

I'm worried because walking helps the healing process for the c-section... And I use lots of stomach muscles to use the crutches. Besides pain I don't want to hurt my innards by over doing with the use of my muscles. I guess we'll see. I'm sure I'm not the only pregnant lady that has had to deal with this situation.

I'm also worried cuz this poor baby has had so many pain pills (my OB assures me he'd rather me take them than be in pain, but I still worry).

I must be good at that!

I am also seriously considering another personal choice of which I won't discuss at this time (if you are not dense I'm sure you know what I'm talking about). That also is reason for some worry.

Lastly I'm going to try breast feeding. I attempted with Gavin (over 12 years ago), but had trouble and not enough support. Kirby supports me, but I am afraid I will have the same problem I did with Gavin or be in more pain on top of everything else. At least that is a "normal" worry!

I know everything will be ok and work out. It always does.
Worry is a weird word when you say it over and over.

So besides those annoyong worries I'm also so super excited to meet this precious little guy. I love him so much already. Kirby is nervous and excited, too. This is our 1st, his 2nd, my 3rd, and our blended family's 4th. Plus we sometimes get Cruz. So that will be 5 kids sometimes in my house at once. From newborn to 14!! Of course that number fluctuates with the children's other parents and stuff, but we're always on our toes!

Kirby and I used to almost always get "our" time every other weekend- now we won't. We'll have to be like "normal" families! We are so ready to start this new chapter...

Of all the kids I think Gwyneth is the most excited. I can't wait to see their reactions when they meet their little brother. I wonder if anyone else (besides big sister) will want to hold him?? With that said will I ever get to hold him (I guess this is where him eating all the time will come in handy for me).

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Another Midnight Blog

Soon to be replaced by midnight feedings and dirty diapers. In less than a week if this little baby does not grace us with his presence he's going to have to come anyway. And he'll like it whether or not he likes it!

I have an ankle appt on the 31st. I really hope for good good good news that will make taking care of a new born easier. I.e. More mobility.

I know I won't be ready for any running around shopping or brisk fall walks, but I'll be happy if I can start putting some weight on it. Like getting up with the use of both feet so my good knee stops screaming at me for doing all the work (I will refrain from any "lazy" comments or he may decide to give out on me totally).

Anyway I know all these pregnant and ankle posts are probably getting boring. I can't wait to blog all the silly exploits of the kids and baby.

Gavin was probably one of the funniest toddlers- especially learning to talk. That boy picked up on every thing. Not to mention we kinda taught him some naughty things... I think his dad taught him to hit someone's behind and say "big ole butt." I was mad, BUT I would lie if I didn't laugh and find it amusing and/or encourage it. I'm pretty sure he did that to a couple ladies in church. We had to put a stop to it then.

We had to stop listening to certain songs around Gwyneth because she was singing along- ALL the words. Really bad words I wouldn't even say... I didn't even realize some of our taste in music was so bad till then! I have slightly improved... Working on it moreso cuz she has lectured me (yes me) and Kirby about profane language. She does not want to hear it (Yeah- Go Gwyneth!).

I'm not sure of some of the things Josh and Cruz did... But I'm sure they have their fair share. Speaking of Cruz: He is teenager AND in high school now. Love that kid, but we can't deny the teenager part. He's very helpful and sweet, but the teenager part may turn up some good blogging material yet. :-).

I'm glad we have such a good bunch and happy to add to it. I am once again getting beat in the bladder... Someone definately has their days and nights mixed up!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Trucking Along... still

I have cramping tonight! I shouldn't get excited. I'm sure it's just some lame gas. The one time I have had good contractions I started to time and then fell asleep.

The ankle front is about the same. It's really itchy on the non-surgery side. Does that mean those bones are coming together? And hurty on the surgery side. Still gets purple in the shower, but not as bad.

I also haven't noticed any new range of motion. I have an orthopeadic appt on the 2nd- they want me to have full range of motion. At least I think I remember that... I was a bit distracted by the pain I was in. I can't help if the dratted thing won't do as I command. It's like trying to use the force in real life. Or asking the cat to bring me something.

And FYI: We all know the cats do not bring me things because of the opposable thumb issue. It's cuz they don't want to.

My "good" leg is looking beefy compared to the bad one. I blame it on the pregnancy induced edema as well as it's getting a work out and a half! The poor guy's knee is SORE and throbby. I've been putting ice on him. I think my problem is that he's bearing all my weight- all my giant pregnant weight!

Soon, yesss very soon we won't have so much weight on it. I am due in 2 weeks. Oh- its after midnight; make that 1 week and 6 days!

The children start school tomorrow. My son is in middle school. Nuts- I know. I just can't believe how much older he gets every year. He is getting that mature young adult look about him. Still a kid, but my time is limited.

Well I'm still cramping in combination to someone doing acrobatics... Not comfortable! He should know he's too big to be doing that in there and come out to play!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Up... Again

Where ever did I find the time to blog before heartburn?? That and doing it from my phone so I don't have to get my cripple self to a computer...

Anyway I took a pain pill at midnight so I thought fo sho I would get some sleep. I took my tums, my maalox, and more tums; that stomach acid insists on creeping up despite those pregnancy safe defenses. The "burning" part I can tolerate. It's the waking up cuz the stomach acid got in the back of my mouth part I hate. Especially if I'm sleeping deep and have to cough it out of my wind pipe. Its one thing to choke on the excess saliva pregnancy also presents you with- but over active digestive juices. Yuck!

I will most definately not miss that when this beautiful baby comes. Among some other things: like swelling, shortness of breath, squished ribs, peeing all the time.. Etc. lol.

I really never liked being pregnant with the first two. Gavin I was so young and frankly- freaked out. Plus I didn't know half the things going "wrong" with my body were a part of being pregnant. And I kinda had school (yes, high school) to work on. It seems once I had him my entire world became clear and I didn't fathom love until then. I was young, but he didn't care.

Gwyneth- I was kind of neutral. I kinda felt guilty for Gavin (she was semi-planned) if I got into the excitement too much... But I WAS excited. Not that Gavin would ever care either way. He was excited, too, once I was big and we had talks about it. I was also introduced to a plethora of new pregnancy symptoms (they do say every pregnancy is different and for me it is) that made me down right miserable. Plus I had more concerns for my future (I had grown up some) and financial stability. Of course as always things worked out. Her birth showed me even more love for my children I never thought I was capable of.

This baby- except for my employments horrible disability policy and unwillingness to work with me- I have thoroughly enjoyed every aspect. I'm just so excited to be blessed with helping God create life again and that He has entrusted this little person to me! Of course it's no fun staying up with acid gurgling to get in my mouth- I do get lots of time to day dream (or night dream) about my little man and our family. I'm going to miss being pregnant, I think. My squirmy little guy all nestled inside me safe, warm, and happy.

I've been saying he is the bow that ties my blended family together. I believe he will be a delight to all of us and can't wait to meet him.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ready or Not... nevermind

So it's almost a close for this weekend. I think I could enjoy the rest of this pregnancy resting, but you try to take a nap with 3 kids in and out. In and out. In and out. And the (like my eyes are closed for the fun of it) "Can I have a snack?". "Can I have a waterballoon fight?" "Can I go to so-n-so's house" questions. Nap= outlook not so good. I did manage a little shut eye- but it was about as choppy as last night.

I've had a few lame braxton hicks, here and there. What I had a taste of last night was the 'I can't move for the pain wrapped around my belly' kind of hurts. I thought I was doing another of those kidney stone things I had a few months ago (NOT FUN). But I realized the pain let up and I dozed off again- til the next one. My brain (sometimes it takes a while) realized- HEY. Contractions!!! Woo hoo!! So I started timing them when they woke me up. I must have already had like 3 or 4. 2:25. Next one 2:35. Wow ok 10 minutes apart. Fell back asleep. Then woke up five something to use the bathroom. I had 2 more, obviously no pattern, just for extra giggles -and one on the way to church.

So besides poor sleep I have not gotten to see my bundle of joy. Maybe next time... I think Kirby is ready for him (we still need wipes!).

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm The Antagonist

Oh for crying out apples! I know I complained my last blog about the kids. I since had a good lecture/talk with them about fighting. I will say they have improved in some areas. Gwyneth is the biggest problem and we are working hard.

Its tough being the youngest AND only girl. Often she's the one to get fed up first and lash out in her frustration. She starts as many with everyone as they start with her- so yes most of the problems with bickering center around her.

I wonder if I have been raising the kids right? They do what I ask, but won't go the extra mile. For example: I was left 3 squares in their bathroom (theirs is closer). So I took the empty roll off and left the holder on the sink. I asked one of them to get some more. They left it on the sink next to the holder. Come on- it would take an extra 3 seconds to put the roll on the holder.

They only do the bare minimum. They fight and jump on volunteering over the easy chores (like feeding the cats and recycles), but heaven forbid anyone offer to vacuum or sweep. Or anything that will require a little effort.

When did they get so lazy and selfish? I ask for a water and someone put my empty ones in the fridge instead of rinsing out and refilling.

Where is the desire to help and do the right thing? Where are is the desire for doing hard work and a good job? Don't they want to blow me away with how great they really are? Shouldn't I brag how helpful they have been? I know if anything happens to me when I'm an old lady it's straight to the nursing home. That is the attitude they have shown me this last week. Is this how you really treat anyone that needs help??

Of course it would be blasphemy if I didn't mention the last time we went grocery shopping they were ideal and perfect in every sense. Didn't ask for anything, didn't fight, offered to get heavy items, bending over for me- and even putting away when we got home! I took them to eat and it was perfect. I felt like the worlds best mom.

Why are things with the kids so sporradical? I know they have it in them- why can't I have it now? I am so needy now than before.

I know- I'm on a total rant. My BP is probably ridiculous from my stress. Who ever thought it would be so stressful sitting on the couch all day?? Lol. Only I could make being laid up (with a fancy phone, books, word search, tv, etc at my fingertips, etc) something to complain about.

It's like I lost my happiness and can't get up to look for it. I don't want to be so negative all the time. I hate nagging and lecturing the kids. I certaintly don't want to stress Kirby out- but I lynch him as soon as he walks in the door. What happened to my smile? It didn't break with my ankle, did it?

Do I have to zap the zest around everyone that comes in contact with me? Nag, yell, complain, cry? I know this is only temporary. I know in no time I'll be chasing after a little toddler and going to middle school concerts.

I wish I could go sit at the table and chat Kirby's ear off about everything like normal. It's just such a pain to feel like I have to yell across the house to talk to him. I miss the attention I used to steal from him. Hovering when he cooks, following him like a lost puppy just to be close... I know he's too busy to come to me and give it to me... I can't expect him to all the time.

I guess it's no mystery why I plowed through 4 700+ page books in a week. Anyway my stomach is hurting: cramping up. I really kinda thought today would have been a good birthday, but he's only teasing me with braxton hicks.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ima Grouchy Mama

I'll admit this. I think I've cried about every night since I fell. From physical pain, physical exhaustion, mental anguish, pregnant hormones- whatever. I don't know why I can't fight them. Sometimes I have to fight them all day just to wait until my release at night. Where its private and I can really let go.

I was just dozing off a minute ago. My ankle really hurts (I've not been taking pain pills as much as possible- so this is raw pain. Better than the first week, but I have new aches that come with various issues I'm dealing with). ANYWAY I was in that half dream state trying to fall asleep. My little boy was learning to walk and the house was strewn with everyone's toys and junk. I was nagging to pick up because I'm now paranoid about people tripping. I was going through my rant how I didn't trip on anything- just the sidewalk... Then my mind focused on my actual fall.

I'm not sure why but it's instant agony. I remember every detail clear as a bell. I remember my first stumble and how foolish I thought I looked and no doubts I would straighten up and vow to walk more careful. Then the bone pops and feeling it and seeing it... And I think the worst- making it move and it wouldn't... The pain that just has not gone away. That is when I fully awoke to my tears tonight.

I have to move the frankenankle now for my therapy. It's so achy and disappointing I can't make it do what I want. I just realized I'm lazily moving my right foot back and forth- not even thinking about it. I can't even get my left foot to move without concentrated effort. I can't even move my toes the way my mind is willing.

I sit in my misery on the couch every day. I'm tired, worn out, sore joints, aching muscles, frustrated. And I listen to the kids bicker over everything: bedroom doors, who's knocking, how much ketchup they have, gum, where they're sitting, nothing is beyond them. They aren't terrible, but it's enhanced in my mind, like an irritating mosquito in your ear. So I do the only thing I can do from the couch. I yell, nag, lecture... I feel horrible cuz that is all it feels like I do.

I'm disappointed because I was so anxious to see them and have them around. I pictured watching lots of movies and their willingness to be helpful and step up with household needs, too. I figured they would understand and try harder to behave (of course I'm not diluted enough to think they wouldn't fight at all). I just expected more. They're not terrible by any means, they are just kids, but no one will take the initiative. They are all older and perfectly capable of acting more grown up and responsible. Everyone wants to be treated older- here is perfect opportunity to show me you can get more priveleges! So I feel like the mean mom and wicked step mom with only negativity coming out. My faith in them stepping up and acting more grown up in my time of need was stupid. I should have known they would be more cause of stress than delight.

Maybe I am the mean grouch. I want to curl up and fall asleep and I can't get comfortable. I can't do effing anything on my own! (Well I can at least wipe my own butt. Lol)

Maybe tomorrow I will be stronger... And better spirited.

And yes- since lappie stopped working I have been doing these from my phone... No spell check- sorry. At least I think the heartburn is mostly gone now...

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Shower Day!!!

It was an exciting day. I managed to get to church and that was really good. My cousin and her family went with us and visited ahead of time before the shower. Wish they didn't live so far away!

So my mom and one of my friends were planning the shower. My friend has been sick a lot and was feeling better, but had a relapse... She stopped by to give us the grand prize and games. When I spoke to her before her arrival she was having trouble with the games and her printer. I was worried there wouldn't be many, so my cousin and I thought up a couple on the fly. One was the diaper game. We let the boys take charge of that before bailing the hen party. I think they enjoyed that too much. The broccoli and cheese diaper was nearly overflowing. Also- you can put 12 squares of t.p. Around my belly... Everyone was shocked it was so little when I'm so big!

Anyway the shower was real fun. Lots of people couldn't make it last minute, but those that did had the privelege of sharing an embarrassing moment when we introduced ourselves. Let's just say I have a special group of friends and family and its amazing there aren't more broken bones.

Speaking of broken bones- when I did my therapy afterwards I was able to wiggle my pinky toe!! Woo hoo!! Who'd ever think how exciting it would be to wiggle a little toe!? I liked letting the leg air out... But after a while the ankle got achy and I'm glad to have the boot back on. It only weighs 2 lbs 12 oz, but feels like 20 lbs, hot and cramped... But my foot was glad to be back in!

Someone has the hiccups so I'm going to enjoy that. Like I said on my facebook the other day- I love to feel him move (except maybe on my bladder), its the best feeling.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Backseat Cleaner

Every day brings more challenges with the giantness of my pregnancy and the frankenankle...

This newest challenge? Letting the kids take care of me- sort of. Kirby is taking a well deserved day off with one of his good friends in Indy... At GenCon... Where I would slowly be waddling through if I hadn't of fallen. I wanted him to go and have fun. Of course I'm jealous, but its a happy jealousy- for him. He needs a mini break from taking care of me.

So this morning I woke up to excited screams from the boys playing Call of Boring (that's right, Call of BORING on the x-box lol). I asked Gwyneth to please get my pillows, please get my water, please etc. By time I finished my cereal and she was rinsing it out for me she says "I really wish you didn't have a broken ankle cuz this is really annoying!" I told her, "yes it is annoying because I would much rather just get up and do these easy things myself...". She got my point. I also wanted to mention I could have snuck a cookie while pouring my cereal, but that would give my tactics away.

So I asked Cruz for some juice and he got me my fiber drink- double dosage. Ok well that's fine. I suppose I would have needed some today anyway... Those dratted prenatal vitamins!

Okay now the hard part. My shower is tomorrow and I can't do MY cleaning. I'm so anal about how its done. I really can't stand to see the kids (bless their hearts) do it "wrong" either. I was a little nit picky. So I haven't done jack since my fall.

Despite my upcoming shower this stuff needed to be done. I made a list... A very long list that extends well beyond their regular chores (poor kids, lol). They were all 4 really good sports about it. I'll admit I was a tyrant. I thanked them for helping and putting up with me. ... And really- they did an awesome job.

Of course its not exactly how I like it. I wish I could just do a quick once over... But I have to learn patience (funny I keep preaching that to my daughter) and just suck it up. It's a good lesson for them and myself. I'm thinkng more for me. I know things don't have to be perfect and I'm sure my guests will not notice the imperfections I see. I'm sure even my husband won't either, but whatever reason I'm keen on tuning into those. I have to put my focus elsewhere.

I know I don't have to have a perfect house for everyone, but I like it perfect for me. Or rather "my" way as I'm sure others would critisize even me! It's just so nice to relax in a room you know is clean cuz it's all been taken care of. My bedroom is next on my list... Lol... another day- and I say this begrudgingly. :-).

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bring on the Pain

It should actually be titled bring on more pain. Or rather let's get rid of the pain!

I would like to be walking by time little R comes, but outlook not so good. Lol Of course I knew that, but its just so weird when it becomes more real- like my next ortho appt is literally the day before my scheduled c-section.

I really wish I could sneak my cookies. I've had to resort to calling them my circular ankle disks. Of course my 12 year old is too smart for my evil cookie tactics.

I had my orthopeadic appt today. We were gone for 4 hours! They took my cast/splint off. That hurt like a mother I didn't say any bad words. I didn't look, but could FEEL. I think I cried more than the kid next to me. How pathetic is that? He probably has better pain medication!

My daughter was with us. I hate to say it upset her pretty bad to see me so upset, but she didn't want to go in the lobby- she stuck it through, the trooper.

My whole foot is still swollen bad. Much worse than I thought. My toes are overstuffed beefy sausages. Rest looks like an alien leg. The about 5ish inch scar with the stitches- disgusting (of course I got a photo!).

So then I had x-rays. Honestly they hurt so bad in the ER I was a little nerve wracked. It wasn't bad. X-ray lady didn't even touch it. Of course I had double lead for the baby.

Verdict: I have 5 screws in my plate. One is crooked. Looks like it was drilled right in the bone. Euww.

Next my stitches came out, I NEVER want to feel those guys again! I never had stitches that weren't the disolving kind. It felt like bee stings all the way. They were big fatty ones too. I had about 12. We'll count them later...

Lastly I got my "walking" boot. I say "walking" cuz I'm not actually allowed to put ANY pressure on it for the next 4 weeks. In fact except for bathroom and shower I have to keep it up pretty much all the time. Going to have to restuff my coushins...

The fun part: I get to do this fun therapy where I practice several times a day moving my ankle to get mobility back. Yay!! I think its not going to be very pleasant.

I also had my OB appt; that was interesting with my 'situation'. Otherwise it went great. Baby is perfect, active, good beat, not ready at all to come. Which is good!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


There have been times I may have felt depressed where this word had popped into my mind. Even through my divorce. I remember it there a lot then. Raw and open.

Of course I wasn't. All those times I drudged myself out of bed, slapped on my happy smile, and trucked through the day. I could work. I could cook for my children (very poorly, but I did). I could go outside, drive where I needed, look for lost items. There were lots of things I could do. Really I was not useless. But of course that word had another meaning at those depressed times.

I know I'm not now, but I certaintly can't go in the pantry and sneak a cookie or get my juice I haven't had for 3 days. I can't even go through my "me" routine washing my face, etc. I haven't fixed my hair since I fell (I may try tomorrow) or anything I do to make "me" feel good. I'm not independent at all. That makes me feel useless in a new way. Probably the proper meaning.

My children came back from their dads. My daughter asked if I could tuck her in tonight. I can't. Then she accidentally stubbed her toe on my foot. It hurt, but the reason I cried was not really from the pain.

It was for the same reason the kids were slamming their doors and I couldn't go snarl at them to behave. Same reason I wanted a popsicle and didn't ask. Same reason I continue to strain my muscles reaching for things out of reach (like my dove soap).

I'm glad it was me though. I think I'm tougher than the rest. I think this would hurt Kirby more- or the kids. They're all too active. I feel bad Kirby hasn't done much for "him"... I don't want him to miss his karate or games and stuff on my behalf. I have a lot to occupy my time. I'm perfectly fine alone and much better on crutches for bathroom breaks. I feel like I've temporarily turned everyones lives upside down. Won't hurt the kids to pitch in more... Lol

Tomorrow I get my stitches out and recast or whatever. Kinda excited and nervous. Hope it doesn't hurt too much. I also have OB appt. I'm anxious as this is my first since I fell... I wonder how they are going to weigh me? Or how I'm going to get that pee sample. Those cups they keep way high.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I know I should be excited when Kirby comes home, but it just makes me depressed. I hate seeing him wait on me hand and foot- yet without him I would go thirsty and hungry and wear the same clothes all week. I probably would have fallen all wobbly on those crutches, too (and broke something else). The problem is I am weak.

He has been doing laundry, dishes, even picking out my clothes... everything. Everything I should be doing. Plus everything the care of me requires. My dropped chapstick, adjusting the pillows under my leg- the list continues endlessly. I hate to be so dependent. I feel like such a burden. I'm afraid of asking too much because I know my basic needs are many as it is.

This injury really can make a person wonder if the trouble is worth it. I'm certaintly not productive or pulling my weight.

I know I'm emotional as it is being pregnant and all that goes along with it. I cried a ridiculous amount today- over everything.

I'm sure I look awful; I feel awful, ugh. I can't ask for more. I'm afraid enough will be enough and I have a ways to go with this frankenankle... And our baby that will arrive before I'm walking. Did I mention I'm a little freaked about giving birth this way?

Speaking of baby- the little guy is squishing my bladder. It's very painful to get up with all the blood rushing down and the pressure and stuff so I must end this and start the process.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Lappie Pooped On Me

Last time I tried to make a blog via this fancy phone from my work- it didn't work. Something is wrong with lappie so she won't turn on. I could go upstairs to my pc that is 10 years old (okay closer to 9)... But yah that aint happening w/ a broke ankle.

This really bites a little. I'm anxious to get my lazy butt off the couch. Oh well I have my baby shower coming up to keep me occupied. I don't think that is good distraction cuz its being thrown here and I can't clean! Well... I could clean off the couch I'm laying on.

Crutches suck. As I said before its love/hate and my good leg burns from doing all the work. I will have one sexay leg when I'm better. I'm thinking the more armpit hair I grow the more padding, but that is just icky. Also my palms hurt. Ugh. Can't go pee every 5 minutes with out them!! Crutches win. Sigh.