How many of us wish we could go back and right our wrongs? How many of our wrongs weren't intentional?
Your therapist said I was too negative... I know my pain spilled over in that session. I've over-analyzed everything when I just need to understand. We are two vastly different people and yet you are a part of me.
It's hard not to be negative when I hurt for you so bad.
Having children- it's like seeing a part of your soul outside of your body. The love I have is unconditional, we have a connection that tethers me to you. There is nothing you can do that would sever the love I have for you.
The truth is we don't understand each other. Somehow these last few months or year I don't know you and you don't know me. It's hard for you to see the world through my eyes and it's hard for me to see the world through your eyes.
We need to learn patience with each other. As the older one I should be on top of that, but patience hasn't always been my strongest point.
I've heard you have to help yourself before helping others. Maybe I need to do that. Set you aside and work on me. Heal my hurts. Maybe I need to let you go.
I have a lot of issues feeling like a failed mother. If I let you go, even temporarily, what kind of mother would I be? And that's why I won't be the one letting anyone "go"
It's easier for me for you to reject me... which I feel you have. But I can't accept it. I have to fight for it. To fight for us. I know our relationship will never be the same, but what relationship ever stays the same?
Your therapist is a smart lady. She definitely knows you better than me and I don't think she wants us estranged. She said we have to start small. I agree, we have to take small steps to get to know each other. You're old enough if you want an adult relationship with me you can pursue it. If you don't, then... I don't know.
Of all the horrible things I've ever had to endure, an estrangement is by far the worst and I hope you will never understand what I mean.
