Monday, April 19, 2010


There are several things on my mind tonight. Many touchy... I pondered blogging at all because of certain eyes I know that view my blog or may communicate about my blog. They may have issues with me stepping on their toes. But you know what? My toes have been stepped on.

I don't usually go out and blog to hurt people's feelings- actually that has never been my intention. Though it's happened before. This is an online diary, open to the public. It's just me displaying parts of me to the world- or at least a very small portion (whoever bother's to read)- when I feel the desire.

So this blog, I'm sorry, is going to probably remain pretty vague in specific detail. If you can pull something out of it, then great! I can't say what I really want to say, but I think I can say enough to get it out of my system.

Someone made the pregnant lady cry. That would be me that was shedding tears. I knew at some point I would have to deal with these feelings I have inside of me now because I know the subject of the matter. It's been heavy on my mind for months. I can't blame myself for being overly hormonal and crying out.

The thing is- I'm non-confrontational for the most part, when it comes down to it I have been known to "instigate" and do what needs to be done. Say what I need to say and deal with it. There is just one confrontation I haven't figured how to deal with. Something needs to be said, but how do I say it? On top of that I've allowed it to go on so long in my life, that wouldn't it be kind of imprudent for me to bother with it now?

Should I continue to bite my tongue and let things be? Why?? I won't see an improvement sitting idle. I have to deal with questions from certain people. What would anyone have to gain from me holding back, besides that I won't upset someone?

If someone has a problem we need to know we have a problem before we'll try to improve, right? I know what I need to say will fall on deaf ears. I know the subject and the subject matter. I know it because the stubbornness. I've seen the cycle. I've been the one hurting and I've seen others hurting. I've seen the subject hurting.

The unwillingness to admit that sometimes we're wrong. That pride gets in the way. I know because I hate to think of myself as being wrong, but I know I have been. It is a hard pill to swallow. Especially when we feel we're the ones that have been wronged. When we think we're the victim.

We can't always be the victim! We are not ALWAYS right. We can't rely on others for our happiness. We can't rely on things to make us happy. We shouldn't try to escape our reality and shut ourselves from the world! There are cold days, but not every day is a cold day. We all have bad days and carry our little storm cloud. Not everyone does everything intentionally to hurt us. Sometimes we hurt people and don't even know it. Sometimes doing what needs to be done will hurt those around us, but it still has to get done. We all have to realize that.

There is a point where we have to take responsibility for this life and all that goes with it. Sometimes we have to "be the bigger person" when we don't want to be. We have to be the better person when we shouldn't. We have to say we're sorry when we know we have no reason to apologize. We have to agree to disagree. Hug those that hurt us and try to rebuild those relationships. Forgive when we don't want to. We can't allow what other people do and say to infect our souls.

We need to make a choice, a decision, to not dwell on our transgressors and the transgressions against us. Let's not let things blow out of proportion. Lets not over think our aches and pain. Let's not let that pain grow and fever. Everyone has a moment of weakness. Let's not allow other's weakness interfere with our happiness.

But for our pride and our stubbornness- would one risk losing the ones we love? Families are close nit. Families fight probably more than strangers. We know each other the best. We hurt each other the worst, but as a family we have to get over it. We have to forgive, even if we don't feel the other person deserves it. We need to strive to forget. Rebuild those relationships, be the one to open the door first.

Put away our crutches and open our hearts. Love unconditionally. Love when it's hard. Allow those that hurt us to love us. Let the ones that we feel wronged us try to make it right. Allow things that happened in the past stay in the past. Look to the future. See the good, look for it, ask for it.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Not that I have hyped it up here, but I did on my face book. Boy or Girl? Girl or Boy? Little Mr or Little Miss?

I know some people like to wait, but I am not a very patient person. If I don't have to go through the anticipation inquiring minds want to know!

I want to know what theme to pick out, what clothes to look at, and to imagine my future.

Now, thanks to technology and a baby that isn't shy- I can imagine my future. Of course I was in love with this baby before I knew what the sex was. I alternated between he and she and sometimes "it." I wondered if I felt dancing moves or karate kicks (not to insinuate that either are gender specific).

SOoo... I had to get a couple things at the store. It was exciting to be able to browse through outfits sleepers, shoes, and things that were not gender neutral. I of course, found the most adorable little outfit ever! I got it. I had my purchases and was at the check out and realized I didn't have my debit card. I told they guy before he rang me up. I asked if he wanted me to put the stuff away. Then I told him never mind because I would get my card and come back. He made a joke about needing toilet paper (that was on my list). I was like "yah gotta have the tp." THEN I realized that I had my check book. The lady in front of me was laughing. So I had to explain myself- I'm sure that went over well. "I"m pregnant and my head is not screwed on right...." I'm sure my face was red, but I'm sure it just looked like a glow.

In the mean time, I guess I shouldn't leave you hanging- so what suggestions do you have for a theme? dinosaurs? jungle animals? airplanes (I thought that was interesting)? Computer/geek? I'm open for suggestions. No Winnie the Pooh, not interested in "sports" either. LOL. All I gotta say is I told Kirby if he gave me a boy he'd better be a Chinese/Asian boy. They are so darned cute! Think he will hold up on his end of the bargain?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Absentminded- what??

"They" say absentmindedness is a part of pregnancy. I wonder if that includes putting salt, pepper, cooking oil, and cereal in the fridge (not in the same day)? Or maybe it is like the time a week ago I put salad in the kitchen drawer... Or when I had the salt shaker in my hand and turned the knob of a door and dumped it all over the floor. Maybe it was when I was pouring sugar in a measuring cup and accidentally dumped half the container out... Or maybe it was when I meant to eat my cereal, but ate the kid's insead. Do you see a trend? It all has to do with food.

I discovered the same hormones that cause the beautiful pregnant glow- also increases oil production in your skin and that can cause acne. I don't have a glow- I have a shine. A bumpy shine, to be specific.

Well besides feeling a little larger for what I think I should be (19 weeks today) for the most part I'm feeling great (as far as being pregnant can make you feel). The baby is moving and bouncing a lot lately that I can feel. Kirby loves to kiss my belly, rub it, and feel baby move, too. It's so great.

This week we will find out if it's a little missus or mister. What do you think it is going to be??? Well I'm hungry. Lets hope I can leave the kitchen in one piece this time.