Why does living have to hurt so bad sometimes? How can someone be going about their life and the world just flips? Why is life so unreasonable? Why does my chest feel so empty and so heavy at the same time?
Lies are tearing me apart. My essence is being torn in 2 different directions. It is making me physically sick.
I had these feelings once... The way I felt that night and the nights that followed are forever etched into my soul. I thought these feelings were only going to be a distant memory of things long gone and healed over.
Oh God, it took so long feel like a whole person again.
I just can't do it. I can't "fake it until I make it" anymore. I can't. I'm not resilient. I'm weak. I'm a failure.
I don't even know what "this" is. I don't know if I'll come back. I can only take so much hurt at a time. I can only have so much pain weigh me down. I just can't do it. How will I go on? How will I survive?
How do I get up in the morning and go to work? How do I focus? How do I resist the urge to faint... ....and if I do- how do I make it so I don't wake up?
If I could ask you to answer honestly- Are you lying to me? How do I know you speak the truth? I love you to the deepest part of my being and you're ripping it out.
How do I stop? How do I not care?
