Tuesday, December 29, 2009

God's Humor

God has a good humor. Do you know how I know? Because when I started my new schedule for work I was to have Friday and Saturday's off, but working on Sunday's would prevent me from being able to go to church. So before my training at my new job was up- guess what? My schedule changed. So now I've had the majority of Sunday's off. I was mad at my work for it, but I kept thinking about God snickering at His delightful trick to keep me where I need to be.

Also it's been forever since I had a really bad cold. Honestly I don't even really remember when. Welllll recently I have stopped taking OTC medications (for personal reasons I may divulge in a future blog if I feel like). So anyway I have this nasty cold. It is seriously kicking my butt. I call my Dr. today and they advised that I should keep up on liquids, rest, hot showers, and to basically "man up" -oh and I can try home remedies and natural stuff if I choose (I'm to keep an eye on myself to make sure that I don't get any infections, etc). So anyway I think this is kind of humorous too because I have been around a lot of snot noses and I couldn't have gotten this cold BEFORE my new venture?


Anyway I think God is great and I know not a lot of people don't like to read things that are too religious-y, but seriously- God always knows what's best for you even when you don't. I'm so glad I'm able to look into the funny side of things. *sniffle, sniffle*
**cough!**

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Winter Driving

Dear Crazy Driver,

I know you enjoy tailgating people in bad weather; you probably do it in stellar conditions. I understand you are just that way. I realize you're impatient, self important, or always late. I know you get enjoyment teasing less ideal cars with your big fancy truck thing. I bet you can travel across the ice as if it were simply your freshly lain driveway.

Anyway I will admit that I am slightly jealous because as I skid to a stop you can stop on a dime. Or so you think. I just relish in the fact that if by chance your tires don't grip as much as you thought and you run into me I will be the one laughing evilly. Well if I'm not hurt badly by your poor driving.

Also when one of does decide to turn are you sure that you want to honk at me? I happen to value my life and unlike you I'd rather come home snug in my coat than snug in a body cast. I'd rather be late for work than not able to come in at all. So next time you honk angrily at a slow driver remember that driver simply values their life and wants to be safe.

You shouldn't be upset because people value thier lives and the lives around them. If I were to drive 'normal' in subnormal conditions that would be considered driving crazy and then you would be stuck in a long ridiculous line of traffic because I'm sure I'd manage to slide into something and cause a wreck. Then you'd be waiting even longer for clean up crews snow plows, etc.

So I guess it's your choice, stay behind a slow, cautios driver that values their life and come home safe; OR run them off a road, cause an accident, and be the one responsible for ruining another person's life.

Seems simple to me.

Thank you for reading, though I doubt you will read this entire thing.

XX
Spaghetti

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sewing Life's Stitches

I know, I know... I've been told I haven't been keeping up my blog. Like my life- my blogs go on roller coasters. Right now I think we're on a slow uphill track, taking in the scenic route. One of those routes which you have to be there to get the vantage point.

I've been thinking about love. When I went through my divorce it was probably one of the darkest times I have ever dealt with. I think I bounced back on the outside pretty quickly, but I know inside it took me a long time to really come back.

I hurt when people I love have to go through it. I hurt when I hear about it. I think of how my heart was torn up and the blame everyone wanted to place- and the blame I placed. I don't feel very hurt at the moment, but I will never forget how it felt.

I think of where I am now. I had to go though a lot to get to where I am and so did my husband. We both went through our own personal hells and back. We both get little reminders of "what was" and perhaps once in a while something will spring a memory and we wonder "what could have been if only I..."

Honestly, I'm glad those if only's never happened. But I say that in ignorance, because no one knows what would have happened or how we'd feel today if the if only did happen. With that said would we wonder other forms of if only's?

I think of the simple decision of me filling out an application at 80/20 because I was told it was a good place to work; and I was mad at my employer at the time. Of all the places I could have randomly filled out an application to work (and I only tried the one place). That was the place were I would meet the love of my life.

It's kind of interesting when you look back and see the threads of life intertwined together. If I had missed but one stitch I'd be on a completely different path. Would I have met Kirby? Would my heart of hurt as much? Would our relationship be as strong without my pain? I don't know.

Am I thankful for my afflictions? When I was in the midst of agony- no. Looking back, yes. Without the turmoil I went through I don't think I could appreciate the life I am living now. And that is the honest truth, although I would never wish it on anyone or want to go through it again.

Lesson: Don't regret what you're going through now, even if it's bad. You can only put in another stitch and move the needle again to sew another piece of your life together.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Me moments...

Besides the fun I get to have with customers all day, every day I have officially made my new job more "me." My brain has allowed itself to reveal what I'm truly like. None of this 'I'm a serious worker.' My ditzy side said 'Game on!!!'

I tried to get a new car... twice. Yeah I was leaving for work and for whatever reason on two different nights I walked to some random car with my key out and ready to drive away- when I realized that wasn't my car. Oops. At least it was the same general color, right?

We are finally in our new teams at work and the girl I sit next to told me she had heartburn. I told her I had blond moments. I don't think she got it.

I may add that on no less than 2 1/2 occasions so far I attempted to leave early. I was so ready to go, closed my cash drawer, clocked out, shut down my computer- and what do you know I'm walking to the door all bundled up and ready to skedaddle home when I realize that I still have an hour to go. Oops, my bad. I know that 5 and 6 look alike... but I seriously need to set a "going home alarm" so I know the correct time to leave.

So those are some adventures for the time being. Work has been keeping me busy, but I'll try not to forget my bloggy friends!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Shy Bladder

So Gavin's writing this really cool paper for school and I'm helping him. Mostly with just the grammar... One of tricky words was "toward." I was trying to sound it out for him, but after you say toward a bunch, the word starts to sound funny. After a few more tries and we got it spelled correctly I mentioned I had a toward in the toilet for Kirby.

Kirby told me he had a dude in the pot. So (yes, we are easily amused), after laughing for twenty minutes about towards and different kinds of dudes (or duuuuudes) in the pot- we composed our selves to discuss more "grown up" topics of conversation. Okay so really none of us ever got there because we kept incorporating "dude" into our sentences.

So why is it we can immaturely laugh about natural things our bodies do, but when you go into a public bathroom you can't go? I mean seriously. Nature calls on everyone, right? If your stomach is grumbly, surely everyone else at one point has had a grumbly stomach in public and needed to ungrumble it. Either way, I hate public restrooms. I would rather be shut in privately so no one has to hear my "natural" sounds. I hate how people can see your shoes under the stall and later when you're working or whatever someone can point out "That's the lady that left a bomb in the bathroom!" snicker, snicker.

Don't even get me started on the cracks in the door... small child eyes peaking at me as I'm doing my "monthly" business... Ugh. Restrain your children- parents! Teach them about privacy or courtesy. Okay I'll stop on that one.

Sorry this isn't the best topic, but hey- it's on my mind. I bet you feel better about going to the bathroom because you know you're not the only one now that thinks like I do (you shoe peaker!). I just have the nerve to post it in a blog.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Animals are People

I have been working on manners and my children recently. My daughter told me to stop saying please after everything I said. In particular I was talking to Millie, asking her to get off the stool and telling her she was a good kitty. Gwyneth told me that cats aren't people.

Gwyneth was like "mom she does not understand what you're saying!"

I sat down at the dining room table and told her that infact the cats were people and COULD understand what I'm saying.

She protested so I had to prove it to her. I said, "Garry? Where are you? Garry, come here!" What do you know Garry came. I then said, "Come sit on my lap. Come here." And what do you know he jumped up on my lap!

How delightful! So I told him what a good sweet perfect cat he is (except for the puking parts). Gwyn said that he didn't understand what I was saying to him. I had to cover up his poor cat ears so he wouldn't get his feelings hurt.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Cramp. I have a cramp in my belly and it is really bothersome. I was thinking I would like to go to the Dr, but I can't due to my new place of employment. Oh I can say I enjoy this problem (complaining about work) because I have a job to complain about.

So anyway I had an appointment scheduled for over 2 months for a specialist I see (for my migraines). Well I was stuck on the phone at work and ended up being so grossly late for my appointment I was forced to reschedule. They managed to get me in at a certain time, but it wasn't beneficial to my new company. I was forced to reschedule once again (or else risk my job and we won't have that, now will we?). I guess the reason I was so mad about it is because there are at least 2 other people that had other things going on that wasn't beneficial to the company. Why were they able to get a "free pass" and I was not? Yay! Yay for working and yay for being able to talk about it!

I really think this company is going to be really good for me. I'm still training so I am learning tons. I understand things I never thought about before, I guess that can happen when you don't know what you're learning. It's pretty exciting.

I also realize this blog wasn't the most exciting to read... I'll try to think of something funny to tell you.

Well I'm not sure how funny this is, but Kirby is onery. I said I had a chocolate bar in the pantry. It's name is Hershey. We have "our" shelf we put things in that we don't necessarily share with the kids. So I was putting my juice boxes up there for my lunch when they wouldn't jam in there. I finaly got on my tippy toes and reached up and found Hershey. She was so so beatuiful. I made a promise to her as soon as I had a craving I would devour her.

Kirby thinks Hershey was his friend, but I set him straight. He got revenge by hiding her from me. But the thing is- you can't keep a girl from her chocolate.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Vets Day

Happy Veteran's day and thank you to those that served to keep me safe. Thank you for those that gave your lives for our country. Thank you to the families who have and have had loved ones serving. It is not an easy job and I want you to know that I appreciate you and everything that has been done for this wonderful country. God Bless.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Meanie's

I was just thinking today about people. The rude, selfish, screaming ones. How can people purposely do and say mean and rude things? How is it people can treat other's so horribly and not even think twice? What do they get from it?

When the day is ending and they are nearing their sleep, are they restless? Do they feel good about the accomplishments and everything they have done throughout the day? Do they even know they are so horrible and that they are teaching their children to behave in the same way?

I would think as a mother (I am one so therefore I can relate) you would want your children to learn manners: please, thank you, may I- and to speak without a sharpness in your everyday business. To notate your attitude and how you're reacting towards others.

I lost my trust in the people 3 years ago, but I still want to think that people in general are good hearted. Are they?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Drool

I've talked about my cat drool on several occasions, only this is worth the read (well it made me laugh so therefore it must make someone else laugh). This is about MY drool. So every few weeks I have to get the vacuum brush thingie and scrub the drool spots off the couch from Garry (the cat). It's quite frustrating because I try to cover up the parts where he lays and he must know because he always lays where I do not cover up.

So the other day I was sleeping on the couch. I told Kirby I have narcolepsy because I get so tired and I can't stay awake for the life of me. I was in the middle of a sudoku puzzle and zonked out. I don't know how sudoku could possibly make anyone zonk out, but it did.

Next thing I know, I'm stirring in my sleep and I realized I'm drooling. It was one of those situations where you're half asleep and barely awake. So I was too tired to do anything about it and it felt like there was a bucket that leaked out. I merely wiped my mouth off with (I think) my sweater sleeve.

-I don't know how many times I've nagged my kids NOT to do that very thing because your clothes aren't your personal napkins!

ANYWAY I shortly was in a deep slumber once again, but I must have been cautious of the position of my mouth (open or closed). I woke up a few more times just to make sure my mouth was shut. So I'm a weird sleeper...

When I finally woke up and came to the realization of what I had done. I checked the arm of the couch to verify I did not leave a giant drool spot. I could just imagine the big patchy spots like what the cat leaves.

On second thought, I think it was the monster under the couch putting my head in his mouth and leaving his drool. I would never drool.

Lesson: If you take a nap- make sure you're not sleeping around a bunch of people.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The best day of the year... if you're on your period.

Candy, candy, candy. Why oh why do I have to have a sweet tooth? No, the real question is why oh why does my PMS have to occur right now? Mmm chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Don't give me any of that chewy Mike and Ike's crap or those Dots. Give me the good stuff! I have a giant bowl of chocolate assorted items and some other various goodies. I have to eat it fast so I can get rid of it (except for the Mike and Ike's and Dots). blech. I can't keep picking at that bowl every day. My heart will break when it's empty.

Okay so now that I admit I have a chocolate problem we can move on. I didn't say I was going to give it up. I've given up cookies until the Halloween stuff is gone. Okay- not the Halloween cookies Kirby's dad left here. Are you crazy?

I got the hiccups the other day. I had an old lady call in and I was (immaturely) making fun of the way she talks. It was the sweet shaky kind of old lady voice, very easy to imitate. It gave me a chuckle. Well God must have had a chuckle with me, because shortly after I got the hiccups. Big ones.

The next three calls I had I hiccuped right in the customer's ears. I tried to hold it in. The first lady laughed at me every time I did it. I must have made her day more cheerful. The thing is when I get hiccups- besides that they do not go away- I tend to be loud and/or deep. Sometimes I remind myself of a frog or something and then I laugh at it.

Lesson: Wait until the lady is DONE with her cycle before removing the chocolate in the vincinity. That is more like advice. Incase my huband reads this and decides to take it all to work.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

One Flaw In Women

I got this in an email. I don't know who the author is, but I thought it was pretty good. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so recognizing the women seems appropriate. Cuz we all know even sick we still carry on.

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.


They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Things I do sometimes.

So I have like this giant zit on my nose. It was like the exaggerated ones they do in movies and t.v. Only for real. Bright red and hurty. I hate the hurty ones. So I made sure to have make up on today and to take some cover up with me. I was in the ladies room "touching" up. I felt like such a priss. No one cared nor does anyone care. But I do and that is the law of zits.

Also I was driving home and it is one of those roads where you drive down and if you don't move over next thing you know is you're in a turn lane. Traffic was thick (and there were 2 motorcycles behind me) and I turned into a lane. Turns out I should have stayed in the one I was in because that was the turning lane. I could have moved over right away, except I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of the motorcycles. So essentially I wasted 5 minutes and had to go on the interstate because I was an idiot too embarrassed to move back over. Oh well better to save face than look silly around strangers.

I don't know what my mood is today. Making up for not being silly for the last several weeks I guess.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Last Place I Looked...

Why is it when you are looking for something it's always in the last place you looked? Seriously. Grr. I lost some important documents and my orientation is tomorrow. So if you do the math that means I have to find them (yeah sometimes I'm a procrastinator, but I knew I'd have a good part of the day to accomplish this task).

I was thinking about it before I went to sleep last night because they have been missing for several months. I've been meaning to go to the proper offices and get new copies, and well frankly, that's a pain in the arse. So I never got around to doing that.

In my sleep I was looking for these documents in the usual places I have the last few months. Then I looked in my glove box and there they were! So you would think that would be the first place I looked, right? Um. No. I don't exactly work that way.

I seriously looked for like 5 hours. I was so aggravated. I looked on top of the fridge in those empty cabinets, in the closet where we keep the cat snacks, and in last years coat pockets. Behind my dresser (even though I already looked there last month) as well as the giant bag of documents to be shredded. I tore the cushions off of the couch, looked in between books (maybe I used the envelope for a bookmark and forgot)- you name it in the house and I looked. It didn't matter how ridiculous.

I told Kirby if he is ever missing any special documents or papers, if they're not in my filing cabinet we don't have them.

BUT on a whim I remembered my dream so I dug everything out of my glove box and there they were!! Holy freaking cow pies! What a wast of my entire day! I should have followed my subconscious and checked out my car in the first place. There was even a business card from the last place I visited in the envelope. Why did I put them there? In my car of all places?

I'll tell you why. I knew I'd need them and didn't want to file them or carry them around- so me being me put them in a place where I wouldn't forget. Those stupid papers have been missing for months and months! I hate it when I do that! Except when I hide money and forget. I found $20 the other day in my planner. Cool.

Lesson: In this case persistence paid off. It also got 2 closets organized.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Spam


Pretty sure someone used my email to sign up for some stuff or something. I keep getting spam for my email in a nick name that only a few people know about. Hmm wonder who it could be? Most of it are for pretty good deals.


In my OCD I have to check my spam mail before I delete it. I don't know why- maybe I'll miss something?


I remember when I was 16 my cousin and a friend prank called all these businesses posing as me, giving them my name and address, and saying how much I loved their product (or whatever it was). I got stuff in the mail for weeks. They were so jealous because they thought I was going to get in trouble (out of love, of course).


I still have the "bit-o-honey" towel. Or whatever it is. One of those candies you only see around Halloween. Oh gosh- I love the sweet factory!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Hmm

Things on my end are starting to take a happier note, as I look forward to starting my new job! I'm so excited. Still not thrilled about the hours, but I'm sure as time will have it I'll have an opportunity to get what I need. I just hope it's sooner than later. Trying to think positive here.

Either way I got new glasses after 2 months of broken ones!

So what antics can I get myself into now? I suppose the antic of sticking my nose where it doesn't belong (I am of the female species). I have been thinking about a status one of my facebook friends had posted. It was about a parent, and basically they were very upset. I get that. We all get upset with our parents from time to time, especially when we don't understand as much as we should.

It was just one status, one simple post written out of aggravation for some situation. Whatever the deal- it kind of saddens me to think that a parent and their child aren't communicating. So I know what it's like to have someone not around when you want them to be. Sadly, I've had those experiences. I just hate to see someone push their child or their parent away because of whatever stresses are going on in their life.

It is so much easier to let our human side allow us to be mad, hold grudges, and be upset because of some perceived wrongs against us. It is easier to dislike than to love. Humans feed off of negativity (look at the media). I know all this because I've been there.

I wish there was some wise words I could say or something I could do. Even as adults children still crave for their parents approval and love. I don't want to think of a relationship being destroyed or hurt when all they need to do is get together and work our their differences. To be heard for your transgressions and to have an opportunity to teach your children the gift of compromise, agreeing to disagree, or to find a resolution together. Teach them to listen with an open mind and be honest with each other (they will take it with them all their lives).

I understand that changes and stress happen. I know that some things will never be "like they were," but one must adapt to change. Learn to forgive; make an attempt to love when it feels too difficult. Don't shut someone out, don't choose sides, be open and be better than the anger you feel.

Yeah- a lot easier said than done. I know that, too. Ugh, for experiences! All in all though, I think it has made me a better person to learn from my mistakes. My wish for my friends is that they learn and grow, too.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

PS

I forgot to mention the funny part. Remember when I said I totally screwed up?

I couldn't find the door to the building (it was apparently blocked by trucks). Since I wasn't sure if it was the job for me, I left. I got a call half an hour later and I was so rude to the poor girl. I told her I was there, but couldn't find the door to get in. She said she wasn't sure if she could reschedule me because they set that time aside specifically for me. I told her to "do what you gotta do" so she said she would talk to her supervisor. Obviously they rescheduled me (and described where the door was). So I could go back.

Oh and the truck thing gets even better. I think only me could do this too- because I backed into one of the truck's plastic barrels as I was backing out to leave. It was in my blind spot. Good think it was plastic and no harm done!

How goosey is that? And I think only I would ever use the "I can't find the door" excuse and actually mean it. Actually I've never heard of anyone using that excuse.

Thank you, Carrie (from a Whole Lotta Bull)

Carrie,

My reply to your comment was too long, so I guess it's a new blog.

You're right. Normally I'd like to think of myself as a positive thinker, too. I've just been so discouraged lately that only negatives are filling my head (and 2 negatives make a positive, right?). I know I'm acting selfish and being negative and should be excited. I think deep down I am.

This new job is exactly the same as the other one- just a different company. It is only the hours that upset me. 2nd shift- I won't see my children or family as much. When I finished college I swore I would never do anything that took family time away because I missed SO much (I think that deep down is what breaks my heart). But I've done it before and can do it again. And just because it's 2nd's now doesn't mean I'll be working that for the rest of my life.

I know that, so I shouldn't be so silly about it.

Also, I've been known to word vomit my feelings in my blog- and that is what I did. Honestly, I DO feel better getting it all out.

I worked for that company before, I think it is just one person that has a problem with me. I know that no matter where you go or what you do there will always be someone that we rub each other the wrong way. So I know now (from my previous mistakes) that for the sake of the team and company that I just have to bite my tongue and agree to disagree. Like one of my other friends said- "stupid terds don't realize what/who they are letting slip through their fingers." She always has a way with words that cheers me up.

I'm sure once I get back to feeling better, and new glasses- now that I have a job I can get new glasses!! *Mine have been snapped and glued together 3 times for 2 months now.* Yay! I can afford new glasses. See? I'm feeling snappier already.

Thanks for your comment.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Kick em while they're down!

So I haven't really updated on what's going on with the whole "blowing steam" blog. Well here's the deal. I waited over a month for one company for a position I would be great in and they finally told me that they decided to cancel the position. Okay, fine. I kind of figured they didn't want me (even though they said they did). There was someplace even better I had my eye on.

I really, really wanted to get in at another company. I am familiar with the company, love the people, the products, I have over 2 years experience in the particular area they were hiring for. I was even willing to take a 'pay cut' I wanted it so bad. But lo and behold, after waiting for several weeks (a ridiculous amount of time to wait for an answer, might I add), they found that I was not a fit for the company. As instant messengers and texters say: WTF?

Apparently, even though I knew everyone I interviewed with (with exception of one) and even though I liked everyone I would potentially be working with, (a couple of whom I had worked with before) AND even though everything I was told about the job was exactly what I had done previously... Even though I could grow into an even better person in my field and fine tune my skills (as I feel I have superb experienced in). Even though it was a perfect fit for me and the OWNERS stopped to say hello to me and ask me how I was doing, etc. -I am apparently not a good fit.

So, yes, I was horribly shocked and disappointed, as were some of the people that work there that thought it was the perfect job for me. I thought for sure I had the job and I was told that they were really considering me...

So I did what all mature adults do: I cried. I had to put on make up so the kids didn't know I had been crying. How pathetic is that?

I was just starting to feel better about the whole crappy rejection thing (at least I didn't cry anymore) when I get my rejection letter in the mail. Why in the world would they send me a letter when I already knew they didn't want me? So I can add it to my collection? To kick me while I was down? To put salt in the wounds?

So the letter said "While they were most impressed with my qualifications, blah, blah, blah. My qualifications were not a good fit for the position." Okay it didn't actually have blah, blah, blah I just don't want to bore you with typical details.

Now help me understand this: if my qualifications aren't good for the position, please tell me what in this green earth do they need? I doubt many can match my qualifications or experience in that area. How can I not have good qualifications when everything you said the job required I have done in that position and I could do and more?

At any rate, I interviewed with another company -I totally screwed up- and I had a migraine today during my other 2 interviews- they offered me a job? What do you know- it's mostly the same as this other one (only more in depth). Hmm? I'm not good enough for my #1 choice where I know the products, processes, and how to work the customer- but I'm good enough to start cold at some company I practically blew off? How messed up is that?

Oh and by the way, this company will tell you pretty quickly if they want you or not.

I realize that I could have easily stayed where I was, and I'd be fine there making more than what the companies rejecting me are starting out... I liked it there, but I was selfish and wanted something different. I wanted to put my skills to use. Of course I left for several reasons, my migraines primarily being it, but I'm starting to get those under control. Should I go back and beg for my old position? I don't want to, I just want companies to see my worth for what it really is and give me a chance.

Thank you new company for giving me the offer and I'm sorry you weren't my favorite choice to start with.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Blowing Steam

I'm going to be very frank here. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being told to wait some more and I'm tired of being rejected. This whole situation just sucks.

There I got it out. I'm trying to be positive, but it is getting very hard to do.

Anyway today is a blah day and I wish I hadn't even of crawled out of bed. Except for a little trick I played on Kirby it has been dull and uneventful. I hope he was a good sport about it. I was thinking that it was inappropriate, but funny at the same time because it's so outrageous.


Phil and Heather came over to say hi as they were on my side of town because they both had half days or something. Of course they didn't call so I hear a knock on the door. Well I'm not answering it if I don't know who you are so he had to eventually remove his finger off of the peep hole. I kept thinking it was Roger the evil insurance guy.

I'm blaming the negative portion of my life situation on him. He's a good enough scapegoat, although he doesn't look very goat-y in real life. Yeah why should I take blame for the choices I made in my life? Yes, the decisions I made were my decisions to make, but society doesn't think you should accept the consequences as yours. So therefore I won't accept my decisions as my mistakes... I'm kidding; I just wanted to be a jerk. But rereading this I am a really wimpy jerk. I have the super power of migraine attack, so be aware!! Okay I don't have that either.

I always say that you need the downs to help you appreciate the ups, but I don't know if I'm ever going to appreciate it again. Because I'm mad at my ups right now for being so good to me.

Anyway I was just blowing off some steam. This was a really sucky day. I was rejected for something I really wanted and I don't know why. What I wanted was the perfect fit for me, and me for them. Of course that is my opinion and obviously someone else doesn't share it.

I need to get some mental powers of persuasion. I think that would help me get what I want.

Lesson: I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but if you fall off the horse you must get back on. Even if the horse steps on your spine and breaks it while you're still on the ground.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I'm not going to punish you

But we are going to have a little talk.

I understand you're shy, I was also very shy (be quiet- you from the peanut gallery I'm talking about when I was little). I know you don't talk a lot. Not like me- or girls- we're always blah blah blah. And I know you like your privacy.

I respect all that. I don't force you to talk to me, but you know we've had some talks before. You know there are a lot of people around you that love you very much. It is not good to hold your feelings inside. I did for years and never knew who I could talk to or how to talk to anyone. But once I was able to open up, it's a good thing to share your problems. So you are not alone.

It's also not good to freak out or get upset when you need help. We've talked about that too, and you're getting better.

You don't need to clam up when I ask you a simple question. When someone asks you something it does not mean you're not in trouble. It is very irritating when you refuse to answer me and then get upset. That tells me there is something I do need to know.

While I do respect your privacy; you do need to talk to me. I need to know what is going on inside that head. I care about you and that is the way things are.

I'm not going to scream at you if you tell me something. Have I ever done that? Of course not.

If you think I'm some scary person to talk to, you need to tell me. Do you know what I'm thinking? (no) I don't know what you're thinking either. We can't read minds.

If you need or want something- you need to communicate with me. It goes both ways. You ask me something you would like an honest answer- same here. If I ask you something just give me an honest answer.

If it's personal- say so and we can talk where no other ears will hear. I won't tell everyone what's going on, but it is my job to poke my nose into your life. I need to know what's going on- and "I don't know" for an answer is not good enough.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Thinking with a clear mind

It's hard to think with a clear mind when everything around you is muck. Every time I think I have done it right and things are a shade of glass, something colors it.

I realize no matter what you say or do there are always things that are going to happen. You can't avoid changes that are going to occur to you or those around you, so there is no point in fighting it.

What is there to do? We don't have to sit back and take it and hope for the best. We do have some say in our own lives! Even when others around us are making the decisions that are going to affect us.

I've often heard that you can choose your reaction, although that would take some preconceived thoughts. If someone knew what was going to happen then they could obviously decide how to react and what to do.

Fact is, we don't always know what to do. Sometimes information has to sink in.

Thank you to everyone that read my previous blog. I know I've had some blogs that were out there (and even I'm embarrassed I put that smut up there) or were just completely ridiculous... but it's just me and really- no matter what you think of me, regardless if you like me or not you can't ask for more, different, improved, better, or anything.

I had a several comments about it on my facebook and my myspace. I really appreciate those that are my true friends. I know sometimes I dump on you. Sometimes you don't even know I do because I just sent you a text or something and said 'hi' or something and that was all I needed. I just want to say thanks.

I don't always think with a clear or unjudgemental mind, but I try.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Exiversary's and Forgiveness


I had a comment (that I approved) from "Anna" and those that know me, know that name is significant. I am pretty sure that the real Anna could care less about keeping tabs and following my blog.

Regardless of who it really was or not I got to thinking about the power of words of the comment. "Your exiversary clearly does bother you or you wouldn't waste the time and energy to throw it into your blog." No this date doesn't bother me, but I think it was bothering “Anna” when she read it. I won't deny that it popped into my head and it reminds me of once upon a time. This date was very important to me for many years. This date I thought I would celebrate for the rest of my life. But now- it's just a Friday. I know that and so does my husband. It is like any day that has significance- a person isn't just going to erase it from their mind the moment it means nothing. Maybe some day this day will come and go and I won’t even give it a second thought. Maybe that will be next year.

If it weren’t for this comment- I probably would have blogged about any other number of things. 85% of the time I get on here I don’t really have in mind what I’m going to say- I just word vomit on the keyboard and viola- there is a blog.

Sometimes I’m cranky (like yesterday), sometimes I’m silly, sometimes I’m serious (like today).

But today I thought I would talk about Anna (since she was so kind enough to actually say something to me after 3 years). I am going to try not to reiterate what happened or the pains that anyone went through. If this were really her, I think this blog would mean something to her (at least a very small portion of it).

I want to mention that everyone heals differently. Will I ever forget what happened? No. I can’t. I’ve tried. It was just too big a part of my life. Maybe some day I can look back and it’ll be hazy. Does it still affect me today? Yes, but in ways that I'm not going to get into right now. Will I ever be like I was before August of 2006? No. I’m a different person. If you ever thought you knew me before (or you think you really know me now) you can erase that preconceived thought out of your mind, because that is no longer me.

Because of what happened I am where I am today. But aren’t we all where we are because of the decisions made in the past? There are always things I wish I had that I could improve. And I will work on them, but things are what they are. Maybe some day we can all move on completely.

And now- for Anna, I’m going to “officially” take the next step. I took this step in my mind over a year and a half ago, but now is a good time as any to make it public.

I have forgiven Anna. I don’t hate her; nor do I wish her any hard times. She has been free from my mind and thoughts. At least any negative thoughts. Am I curious about her? Yes. I loved her. I would have done anything in the world for her. But things are what they are so I let her go. I let her go along time ago. I forgave her a long time ago. Do I forget? No. I can’t, but I don’t hold a grudge against her. She is free from any traps of my mind.

If what happened didn’t happen I wouldn’t be where I am today. There is nothing I can do about my past, nor at this point would I want to change it; it makes me who I am. I’m sorry about the pains we had to go through to get where we are today. I’m sorry sometimes I remember something and it’ll still hurt briefly. But today I’m happy. I’m in love. I’m so in love... I have a lot of friends. My children are perfect. My blended family keeps me on my toes. My house is clean. The air is fresh when I smell it.

I have my present and future keeping me occupied to worry about my past. But like anybody, that doesn’t stop me from taking the trip down memory lane every so often. The good thing is I’m building new memories, good memories (and I hope that everyone that was involved in what happened are, too).

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Going To the Chapel

Okay here's the deal- This is probably going to sound really juvenile and childish and junior high. But I'm irritated to no end, so I'm going to blog it. Yay!!

I'm married, but every wedding makes me insanely jealous. There are like 3 going on *right now* holy cow! ...and my exiversary is also this month. Not that I allow that to bother me, but it WAS pointed out this week that it would have been 10 years. Well who can resist the 7 year itch? Besides me, or course?

Anyway, I didn't really get a wedding with Kirby and I'm okay with that. I think it would have been horridly fun to plan one and invite people and pick out colors and all that. I wish I could be involved in someones so I can do that kind of stuff because I find it exciting... Marriage is not about the wedding anyway (I had the big one with the dress and cake once) it's about the stuff after the wedding. The people committing.

Anyway- One of my friends (I keep calling her that even though we never talk) is apparently getting married super soon! I'm so excited, but she didn't tell me or anyone. OK, when I say she didn't tell anyone I mean me and another mutual friend that would probably like to share in her day. I would love more than anything to be there for her and wish her well and go shopping for a special gift. BUT I'm not on the guest list- or her list to tell people. I guess in all honesty, I had secretly hoped that I was more than that to her.

Looks like my rant is more on the lines of "I'll never understand why people are the way they are and why they throw away friendships and don't care and leave other people hanging when they thought they were really good friends, but I've known for a very long time how they feel because they don't care, but I care too much and it hurts and they'll never understand that." Don't give me crap for the run on sentence. The wedding thing is just a front because I *really* want to be there. As far as maintaining friendships- I mean, yeah she lives kind of far, many of my friends do since I moved, but I said I would be happy to drive to meet her anytime! It's not like some of my friends who live out of state, we could see each other if she wanted.

We remind me of this poem Around The Corner

I also think of my old friend Rachel and I. The only time we ever talked was when I called. The only time we ever did anything was when I went over to her or picked her up or drove. I had to practically beg the few times she bothered to go out of her way to drive to me. The only times we hung out was when I suggested it. We never did anything she ever wanted to do because it was all me me me. That is not how a friendship is supposed to be so I "broke up" that friendship and promised I wouldn't ever have another one-sided friendship again. No matter how kindred the other person seemed to be.

That is kind of how I feel with this other person. Only I haven't gone out of my way for her either. I guess it goes both ways. The part that pisses me off? As soon as I throw in the towel and close the door on the friendship- I'm reeled back in.

I just will never understand some things.

I give advice, maybe I should take my own.

Anyway I think I need to go back to bed and wake up on the right side and re-blog because BOY am I CRANKY today. To any of my friends reading this- I apologise now. I'm just trying to unscramble my thoughts and I'm really too irritated to write. It's like another friend pointed out. Being cranky is a side effect of being a woman.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

As I promised: Monkey Pee

So apparently I was invited to a baby shower or a wedding shower. You know how they always have these cheesy games? Well this one was slightly different and apparently a lot more fun! Here is basically how you play (according to my dream so if it doesn't make sense blame my brain):

So we are grouped up and we get iPhones with various photos and videos of monkeys. Each person has their own group of monkeys they work with. At the end of the game you get with your group and score your points all together. So you work individually (but together) one of your monkeys may also be assigned to someone in another group. Each phone has different monkeys, but there are only a certain number of monkeys altogether.

So once you figure which monkeys you have, you go to monkey island and make friends with your monkeys and give them water to drink. Why do you want your monkeys to drink? Because apparently the object of the game is to get your monkey to pee the most. You get them to pee by making them drink.

You have to collect the monkey pee in large beakers (yuck!!!).

I was pretty upset because at first I thought I only had 2 monkeys, then in the video I saw 4 other monkey's. But they were baby/kid monkeys and you know that those don't pee a lot.

So that is about it for my monkey pee dream. I don't know who won because I woke up. If that makes you want to play that game- well the idea isn't patented, but I don't foresee it becoming a very popular game.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Hiding Cinnamon Rolls (on the roof of my mouth)

Remember this blog?

Well I thought I had beat those dreams since I made that blog... but apparently I didn't. So I had several dreams where I was chewing this green gum and not only was I constantly pulling gum out of my mouth (then it got weird) at one point I even took out 2 cinnamon rolls. Granted, they were mini cinnamon rolls (I think strawberry flavored), what was I doing with 2 cinnamon rolls on the roof of my mouth?

When I found the cinnamon rolls my mom was in my room watching me spit the gum out (which is unusual because in my dreams I typically do it privately). She seemed shocked that I had cinnamon rolls hiding in my mouth and demanded what other foods have I been hoarding away? And what was I going to do with them? I kept taking gum out the entire time, trying to explain to her that I went to a buffet earlier (which I did in another dream- my dreams seem to run together), but I didn't save it, the cinnamon rolls must have gotten stuck without my knowledge.

As usual, I don't even remember putting any gum in my mouth. When I pull it out of my mouth little by little and then it gets more and more and bigger and bigger and I have to use both hands... That is the part that I hate the most. The pulling it out and especially when it's stuck on the roof of my mouth, around my tongue, and around my teeth. I'm always afraid I'm going to choke on it or something. I think I choke and gag in real life sometimes.

Those gum dreams seriously freak me out, add cinnamon rolls and I'm disturbed for the day.

I started a new migraine medication, and those that know me know that I can have some really wild vivid dreams... well guess what one of the side effects are? Vivid dreams. How crazy is that? I'll tell you what. If I have the gum dream to many times I don't know- I may have to choose a headache over it. I have another one about monkey pee. Perhaps I'll share what I remember about that one tomorrow.

In the mean time: Keep dreaming... Not sure how I can beat my gum nightmares, but I'll think of something.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Quick Quack Make Me A Flapjack

I'm sure like most songs I sing along with on the radio (I got that line out of a book), but somewhere I left the actual words behind and made up my own. I don't think I'm much of a rule bender, but I wonder if I ever combine rules and begin to make up my own when I forget what the original ones are.

Today is a rather gloomy day and I'm home (again) doing what homebodies do best I suppose. Playing on the computer! No I'm kidding. I've got a ton of housework to do. My mind feels so much like mush these days. blah. It's hard to feel worth while when the things I do aren't really worth while. Yeah, yeah the laundry will get done eventually, the dishes will get washed, Garry's cat vomit will get shampooed... Sometimes I wish I did greater things besides cat vomit duty. I also wish I didn't have to get migraines or bother with eating because that's an inconvenience.

I tell you- that human food idea I pitched several blogs back is an idea worth listening to!! Think how easy it would be to feed the kids. You could put bowls out like the cat dishes and they can come and go. We can have treats (my cats love them) and if the kids are good, we can give them treats. Maybe the treats can be in the form of candy corn. Mmm. Nah, cuz then I'd lock myself in the pantry like *someone* did the other day.

Well it's a Monday. It's gloomy, cold, wet, rainy, and blah- so it's no wonder everyone else is blah too. Oh well we'll get over it. Just think of sunshines!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Candy corn Season

I have a problem. I'm an addict. I love that stuff. It is so yummy.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i*n*f*l*u*e*n*c*e

From one thing to another. Do you realize that everything you do is influenced by one decision or another that was previously made? Of course I'm not writing with any intentions to be that deep today.

I was thinking of the rights and wrongs of using another person's influence to get your personal gains. My philosophy is that you can't really move up unless you know someone or something. Knowledge is power. These days growing from the ground up is nearly unheard of.

I would like to start from the ground and go up; and I've tried. It just doesn't work the way I want it to. Let me rephrase that. It doesn't work the way I feel it should. I've found some of my faith that I lost so I'm working on putting my trust back in higher places that I took away. Anyway what I'm trying to get at is should I feel guilty for getting what I need? I said a prayer and have done everything I think I was supposed to do.

On that side note maybe I haven't done everything I was supposed to do? I guess only the results that I see will show that.

Either way I wish my mind would clear and I could be as jovial as I was just a few months ago. I think sometimes my happiness has drained away. It's still there, just not where I wished it was. My husband just laughed really hard at something and I want to laugh really hard. I'd like to make some blogs that are cutsie and preferably not about my cats. I always have cat stories, but I should probably wait until I'm 50 to share them too much.

Lesson: Take what you have and remember to say thank you to those that help influence you (positively).

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Waiting and waiting some more

On a good note I got a call yesterday for a company that wanted to set up an interview. Upon thinking about it I realized it was an insurance company and that I ALREADY interviewed with them.

I like insurance- that is why I have my license. My problem with them is that any and every insurance company will hire anyone. It doesn't matter your credentials or if you even qualify for the job. They don't care if you're a dirty sales man or passive (like myself). Of course I would like to do insurance, but I need the right company. When I think about it- with any job I need the right company. I want to be a good fit, but I also want the company to be a good fit for me.

Every insurance company that I have gone for an interview for at the end of the session- even if I have given a poor attitude- they still want me. Why? Why aren't they more picky about who they get on their team? Because with general insurance companies the individuals work independently. They don't have to answer to anyone but themselves. Yes, they represent the company, but I suppose in a twisted way the insurance company knows that the individual representing them are going to do a good job because it's all commission and they have to get paid- so they are going to rep good. At least that is my theory.

I don't know if I have it all exactly figured out. I just know that I'm tired of the run around with insurance companies and I'm tired of getting my hopes up for a real, good, legitimate, job and waiting for them to respond and then getting turned flat on my face.

I realize it's a hard economy, but these companies can throw us a bone here. Tell me why you don't think I'm a good fit for your team when clearly my resume and in my mind I can do well if not surpass the position on your job. What am I missing?

I'm just frustrated; I'm not a very patient person. At any rate I'd better get back to the little work that I DO have to do and keep on trucking.

Lesson: learn to be patient because being impatient doesn't really do anything but stress you out.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I can't spell it

I wanted like the Bam Bam Bam, but when I look at it, it looks really Flintstones. Maybe Bum Bum Bum? But by now that I've given the title of my blog that much thought I've already forgotten what all I wanted to say.

ANYWAY I went to the neurologist yesterday. I was conformed, once again, I am NOT dying and I likely do NOT have a brain tumor although the last time I had a MRI was in 2004. He wanted to ramp up my crazy medication, but I told him that I didn't know if that was a good idea. So we switched medications. So I'm weaning off of one medication for 1-2 weeks and weaning on another for 1-2 weeks.

I've been doing lots of research. It looks like I won't be as crazy. At least not medically induced. I'll just be regular crazy. Maybe I can drink a soda without hiccuping. I think that was a side effect to one of the migraine medications I was on.

I also have to make sure I am eating enough, not going thirsty, I am not over sleeping, or under sleeping... Basically he said my body needs to be on a schedule as much as possible. He said I don't like change. That is why I get migraines every time I go on vacation. Weird. There was a lot of other stuff we discussed, but I won't bore you.

At any rate I'm feeling really "woozey" right now. I have a dirty insurance salesman coming over tonight (no offence Joel). So I have to get motivated to mow the yard, clean the house, and scratch my mosquito bites. I have a lot. I wish I could squeeze them. I think that would be so cool. Pinch them like a pimple and get the poison out.

I wonder if you can do that?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Garage

I have been thinking of some epiphany, some life lesson that would turn your thoughts and make you think. I just don't have it. It isn't that there is nothing going on in my life because there is. It's just that nothing is making my mind spontaneous combust.

I had a garage sale that kept me super busy last week and I've been having fun yesterday rearranging it and shuffling things around. There must be something wrong with me because even just thinking about it I want to go out there and rearrange it again to see if there is another way i can set things.

I have a lot of things I need to get finished. The dishes are piled up, the laundry is piled up, the grass needs cut, I was going to shampoo the carpet in the dining room... Yet here I am on my computer messing with facebook, tiny adventures, blogging, and procrastinating.

I'm thinking of the lessons I've heard recently in church, my friends, what I'm teaching my children, and nothing seems to be motivating me yet I do feel motivated within. I suppose I know what my problem is. My problem is I'm here and not somewhere else being productive. I'm still working on that. I guess how can I motivate someone else and inspire if I, myself, am not feeling very motivated or inspired? I tell myself I'm a good leader, yet I don't feel like I'm leading myself very well.

At any rate I have many things that need to be done and little time...

Lesson: Life waits for no one, so keep on going even when you don't want to- or you may fall behind.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Car Seat Debate

Car booster seats. I am a law abiding citizen and when the law in Indiana passed a few years ago I went and bought my son a car seat, even though he had been out of one for over a year. It was my choice to take him out because I thought he was big enough and I always made sure he was buckled in properly.

My car is small. I can't fit 3 car seats in my car, even though my car is designed to fit 3 people in the back. A cousin had the same problem with her 3 small children. She ended up getting a van. If that is just my family that was forced to get 3 car seats and 1 mini van, how many other families in Indiana had to get multiple car seats and a mini van? Probably a lot. I remember the local Wal-Mart couldn't stock the car seats fast enough. I didn't have a choice when I got Gavin's seat, he's lucky he didn't end up with a pink one! So I don't want anyone to tell me my opinion (yes I know it's just an opinion, but it's a very strong one) that the law wasn't passed to give our state a little boost.

Sure the safety of the children may be one factor, but I saw the billboard's and the commercials promoting children beyond age 8 to stay in boosters. They were really hitting the parents hard, guilting us into getting boosters for everyone- even beyond the age of 8. I have adult friends that are very small- should they still be in a booster seat? Seriously.

I did a paper in college on the safety and the necessity of the booster seat safety. You know most sites that I was ever able to find on the booster seat safety that promote it are made by the car seat manufacturers?

There have been research done on car seats and booster seats. Yes, I agree, they are a good thing, but I also think it should be a CHOICE when I'm ready to take them out. Parents continue to get their choices taken away from them. We may as well get bar codes stamped into them when they're born and let the government just do the rest. Okay, okay that is a little extreme.

It's just if booster seats are the answer- how did we ever survive before they came along? With the stats I read millions over the years should be dead from vehicle accidents. (Kinda like with my insurance pitch everyone should have cancer, burned houses, or some other horrible thing -a lot of people do, but it's not devastating, there are millions and millions of people and we keep reproducing, so we must be somewhat ok).

Got a little off subject there, sorry. Don't even get me started on the school buses. Why hammer on normal vehicles that have safety devices when there are NONE on school buses? My children ride those scary things EVERY day!!

I realize I'm not right, but anyone else with a strong mind about it isn't right either. I don't think there is exactly a perfect answer. When dealing with probabilities and statistics there never is. so please don't shoot me down because of my opinion.

In my opinion, I hate to see my 7 year old in a car seat when I know that she is perfectly safe and fine in a regular seat belt. What it boils down to is HOW your child is buckled in and seated in the vehicle. Regardless if they are in a booster seat or not if they are not buckled in properly and wearing the seat belt properly- it doesn't matter. Now if a booster helps the belt fit "snugger" that is each individuals matter of opinion. I have seen kids with very loose seat belts in a booster, and with the shoulder strap behind them. Like I said- it's HOW your seated and buckled. Seat belts work the way the person buckling them in works. Not how the seat is designed. Otherwise bucket seats in cars would be safer, etc.

Of course my college paper was oober pages long. I had both arguments, why experts think they are safe (with the research backing that up), and why I think it is jack (and my research backing that up)- but I'm obviously not going to bore you with my college paper.

It isn't really the fact that that there are booster seats that tick me off, it is the fact that our government tells me how to parent.

As always I'm open for debate on this topic and welcome opinions. I'm sure most people will disagree with me, but that is fine. I'm stubborn- a law abiding stubborn citizen.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

End with a joke


It's a beatutiful moose. I've waned to make a blog the last few days, but I'm just not sure of what. I don't have any cutsie stories to share, or any silly cat things going on. Well I *could* come up with some cat stuff, but I would seriously have to consider making an all cat blog.


I'm just kind of blah. I'm nervous about tomorrow and how that is going to turn out. ...And NO, I'm not saying what's going on exactly so don't ask. It's just some personal thingie that I'm doing and lets just say no matter what the outcome is there are going to be hurt feelings. Of course it is never my intention to go and hurt people's feelings, but things have been set in motion and need to be followed through. Of course I don't think anyone on the other end gives a rats behind of my feelings so I don't know why I'm even bothering to care... I just do deep down.


I guess that is just my personality. Even in my darkest moments when I have felt the deepest pain from the hands and actions of other people I still have an urge to reach out to the one harming me because I see a glimmer in their eye. It's like I can tell the people that hurt others don't mean to or want to deep down.


At any rate- tomorrow isn't the only thing on my mind. I have a weight that just keeps getting heavier and heavier. It makes blogging hard. For a moment this was turning into a drama circus and I had to take a step back and look and I was like 'wow my blog is really pretty terrible' It was like junior high girls locker room gossip fest. And on that same note I don't want an emo blog because I'm going through a semi-whats going on with my life crisis. I've read some pretty awesome blogs and I think- why can't my blog be like that?


Well because those people aren't me. That's why. I actually went on here today to delete those drama blogs from a couple months ago. Because they are ugly. Not just the people that commented, but I was being pretty ugly. The reason I kept them in the first place, along with all my other past blogs from yahoo and myspace- is because that is who I was. Sometimes I am an ugly person. Everyone is at one time. I can't fool myself if I want to think that I'm some bubbly person and only keep the happy shiny blogs. Because even if I were to delete them I still know who I am. Why lie to anyone else about me?


I'm not an ugly person all the time (and I like to think the general public and hopefully the people that made comments on them aren't either). I know I'm not perfect, and I know I have faults. But the thing is I need to learn from my mistakes. That was a mistake. I know what I need to do next time someone wants to be nasty to me (or at least I hope I do). Regardless if anyone else has learned their lesson I hope I have.


Um, just to clarify, that is not an invitation to pick on me to test my skills.


I know I'm rambling and my blog isn't as eloquently written as the Cheek of God, or quirky as Life, Unassuming & Complicated, and I'm certainly not as devoted (although I wish I were, that is so inspiring) as findingmywingsinlife, but hey- I'm just me and no one can ask for more. I guess all these people are just being themselves, too. FYI their blogs are all on the side (under Saucy Blogs) if you ever want to check them out. They all have their style and I have mine.


Anyway nothing funny here for today. Sorry. I can tell you a joke.


This guy walks into a bar and it hurts really bad.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Migraine info.

This should be in my pointless advice blog, but I have had a lot of requests for it so here you go!

Here is my amateur list of migraine triggers (with help from google and my personal experiences). Of course you have to find what works and doesn't work for you. I recommend keeping a "migraine" diary. Record what you do, how much sleep you get, and everything you eat. I have found some of my triggers this way. It is horribly boring, but effective (in all honesty I stopped doing mine and I should start it again). If you can find even one thing (no matter how small) that triggers the migraine- it is so worth knowing so you can avoid the pain!

Here is what I have compiled- migraine triggers:

*Stress
*Too much sleep, or not enough
*Overstimulated senses
, including noises that are too loud, scents that are too strong, or lights that are too bright. (that is definitely one of mine, ugh!)
*Hormonal changes
*Physical exertion (or lack there of) or abrupt lifestyle changes
*Environmental factors
*Medications
*Dietary habits
, such as fasting, not eating enough times during the day, or becoming dehydrated
*foods or drinks containing Tyramine (will go into detail later)
*Nitrates, a food preservative (will go in to detail later here, too)
*cold foods, such as ones that cause brain freeze
*Caffeine (of course if you have a lot of caffeine on a daily basis, having a lack of may trigger a headache)
*Monosodium Glutamate (MSG)-
*Tannins (will go into detail here)
*Sulfites or sulfides (again detail)
*Aspartame (NutraSweet)
*High levels of potassium

Foods to avoid, or at least take into consideration when eating them. I recommend eliminating a few out of your diet for a few weeks, see how you do, then try a few others. Obviously if you take everything out you will never eat again (and skipping meals can trigger one!). Also, if you're not sure if it contains something, read labels!

Cheese:
Blue Cheese
Brie
Cheddar
Stilton
Feta
Swiss
Parmesan
canned cheese (euww!)
Gorgonzola
Mozzarella
Muenster
Processed cheese

What has Tyramine:
Beans:
Fava, Garbanzo, Lima & Pinto beans
Onions
Olives
Pickles
Avocados
Nuts
Raisins
Beer
red wine
sherry
vermouth
aged, canned, cured or processed meats
canned soups

What has Nitrates (processed meats):
Ham
Bologna and processed lunch meats
Hot dogs
Bacon
Sausage
Pepperoni
salami
other meats that are aged, canned, cured, marinated, tenderized
sausages (including chicken, turkey and soy sausages)
pastrami
jerky (beef and turkey)
corned beef
all other beef/poultry/pork/wild game/fish that has been cured, smoked, pickled, canned or preserved with nitrites.

What has Caffeine:
coffee
tea
iced tea
soda
chocolate (my favorite)

What has Monosodium Glutamate (MSG):
often found in Chinese restaurant food
many snack foods
prepared foods
seasoning products
*Note that MSG may be labeled as hydrolyzed vegetable/soy/plant protein, natural flavorings, yeast extract and Kombu. MSG can also be hidden in broth and stock products.

What has Tannins:
Tea
red-skinned apples
pears
apple juice
cider
red wine

What has Sulfites (check labels):
commonly found in wine, more so in white wine
most dried fruits
canned vegetables
many processed foods

Other foods:

champagne, and dark or heavy drinks
paprika

Many fruits and vegetables and some that contain high levels of potassium. There are just too many to list (as you can see). These you just have to experiment with to see what agrees with you and what doesn't. Also keep in mind how they are prepared when eating them.

Fruits:

tomatoes
Oranges
grapefruits
lemons
limes
pineapples
Bananas
raisins
red plums
canned figs
avocados
tangerines
tangelos
apples
pears
cherries
peaches
apricots
grapes
strawberries
raspberries
cranberries
blueberries
gooseberries
blackberries


Vegetables:
Broad beans
navy beans
pea pods
sauerkraut
Soy Beans
carrots
beets
turnips
radishes
rutabagas
garlic
peas
lentils
all other beans
Brussels sprouts
broccoli
cabbage
cauliflower
squash
cucumber
pumpkin
zucchini
lettuce
spinach
kale
chard
potatoes
chili peppers
garden peppers
eggplant


Breads:

yeast-risen bread products
yeast

Dairy:
home Yogurt
Sour Cream



courtesy of: http://www.curesandherbs.com/migraine-foods-to-avoid.php
http://womenshealth.aetna.com/WH/ihtWH/r.W===23/st.48340/t.48381.html#Foods_To_Avoid http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21596506/
http://www.drugs.com/news/health-tip-things-trigger-migraines-18488.html
http://www.acu-cell.com/dis-hea.html

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bug Poop

A bug pooped on me today. I'm pretty sure it was a bug. I was sitting on the curb by a tree waiting for the school bus (to drop my children off, of course). I felt something fall on my hair. I reached up and wiped this yellowish spot off. It had a small chunk in the middle. I resisted to smell it.

It looked like it could possibly be bird poop... only there were NO birds around, nor was I under the tree. It was such a very small amount. Minute, really. I wiped my hand in the grass and contemplated for 25 minutes (the bus was horribly late) what could have pooped so small. It had to of been a bug of some sort. I'm sure it was a bigger sort of bug.

So I've heard it's good luck if a bird poops on you, is it good luck if a bug does?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Listen

And don't hang up. Yeah don't be fooled by the pretty guy lip sinking on television. It's a ploy to make you let your guard down. When you are warned by those around you to do go another path sometimes you should just stick to their guns instead of your stubborn ones and abide by their thoughts.

Yeah the best advice is typically the advice not taken. Or is the best advice the advice given but not realized it's been followed? Why is it we never take our own advice, but we so freely dish it?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Going Full Circle

So I'm treading the water constantly moving only to look at the shore and see that I've not really gone that far of a distance. Why is it when you try to move you don't, but if you're adrift at sea the land falls further and further from your site when you don't want it to? You desperately paddle and swim back, but it's a futile attempt.

I'm at full speed, but maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I don't even know what I want sometimes.

I'm finding I do have fears and I can't confront them because I don't know how. I have an excuse for them. They tumble from my tongue before I even know what I'm thinking. I had to take a good hard long look in the mirror and confess to myself that I'm weak. I told myself I was, but I had to admit it out loud for the part of me that was apparently in denial.

I thought I could do something and I failed. I don't even know if I really gave it my best shot. I guess every day in life people learn things about themselves and I have learned some more about me. I find that exciting, yet horridly inconvenient. When I thought I knew me best, why couldn't I have known this particular thing about me before?

I know I'm not the only confused and frustrated person out there. Everyone is at one point. Life as I discover is a lot of different things. Right now it's laughing at me, I think. I hope it's a funny joke and one day I can laugh too. Laughing is fun to do!

Lesson: if you want to try something, be sure you really want to try it. If the consequences are long term, be prepared to accept them. This is where you can say "I told you so" but I know you haven't yet, so I said it for you- on the Internet.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

top 5 things to try

#1 Cookie dough pop tarts. Seriously this is coming from a cinnamon and brown sugar only girl. They are yummy.

#2 Dress as a zombie and shuffle to someone and tell them you want to eat their brains. Of course it's a lot more fun if there are 200 other people that are also zombies.

#3 Ladies- wear a corset for fun or at least try one on. You'll love how you look and really understand the "I can't breathe" aspect. Well that part isn't fun, but getting your photo taken is!

#4 Go on a carriage ride in the city... yeah I'm waiting for that, but it looks like sooo much fun!

#5 Eat at some place you can't go anywhere else to eat.

Yeah... I was sitting here trying to think of a good blog and I have a million things going through my head, but nothing really blog worthy. I've had a lot of interviews recently so that is good. I really am crossing my fingers for a good job/career- soon. I don't mind the current position I'm in now, but I'm thinking that it isn't really for me. I will continue to do it part time and see where it takes me. So in the mean time I will be pursuing other opportunities as they present themselves. So far, since I've put myself officially on the job market it hasn't gone over too well. That kind of stinks.

Well I'd love to bore you some more with my career choices, but I have a hang nail and it's bugging the crap out of me every time I hit the letter's "s, w, and x" especially x, but it isn't like I'm hitting "x" a lot. I'm getting "s" more than the other 2. I actually don't think I've used "x" at all. Hmm?

Now I seriously have to go because the wind blew my patio table over (again).

Monday, August 17, 2009

Storms!!!

A new blog to come... as soon as I know I won't be electrocuted by lightning. :) ZZzzzaaapPP.!!

Best 4 days of Gaming

Are now over (and the storms have passed for me to blog safely) and I can resume my regular blogging.

It was a lot of fun. Who am I kidding? I'm a complete nerd and had a blast. Of course due to the economy and various other organizations (WOC) *cough* *cough* who wouldn't let their employees even have one night off to partake in the gaming fun... our normal group wasn't there. I missed you all, it just wasn't the same. (Bryce, Mars, Amanda, Steve, Char, and anyone else I may have left out).

This year we helped Gorilla Games minimally (sorry Jeff & Jason), but I did wear my Battlestations t-shirt which generated a lot of comments (more than normal) so I think that was fair enough advertising.

Last year I had a migraine the entire 4 days and was put out most of the time- this year I did too. But it wasn't as severe and I self medicated. yay me.



We had some good Werewolf, the Zombie walk, we did the Cheese Weasle, got Catan ribbons (I know Bryce really wanted them), and demo'd tons of new and awesome games. Of course I dressed up, as well as Kirby. You can check us out from the Metromix of Indianapolis http://indianapolis.metromix.com/events/photogallery/gen-con-2/1398710/content We are pic 19!! How cool is that?! I haven't found any zombie u-tubes for 2009 that has me or Kirby in it. If I do find one I'll definitely get it on here to share.

I don't think I have one favorite part because there is always sooo much going on and so much to do. Of course we didn't get to participate in everything we said we wanted to do, like the paint and take, but there is always next year. Which is probably a better idea anyway because my glasses finally broke and I'm totally Harry Pottering it. (Okay, so currently they are super glued together). Close enough.


I definitely want to take the kids along I know they would love it. I don't know if they can handle 4 days, (especially if we volunteer to run games, the booth, etc), but I would definitely like to have them there for one day to experience it.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

contemplating

I had a job offer... yay! The catch? Yes, there's always a catch. It's a job "placement" place that you pay $185 and they place you in a full time permanent job. They don't actually even place you, you get to have access to places that are hiring full time.

Do people seriously PAY when they don't have any money to get a paying job? I told the lady how about I sign a contract and they place me first in a paying job and then I can pay them... once I already had a job. Apparently people who need jobs (i.e. people that need money) aren't good for their money.

I would think that if a company needed someone to fill a position they would get someone and not go through some company.

I did some research on this company and apparently they are a scam. So they can take their $185 from the next victim and shove it.

Lesson: At least I know commission jobs are dirty. I don't need hourly jobs to be dirty, too.

frustrated

When I look at the big picture everything seems so simple, but when I'm in the midst of it nothing seems easy at all. Why is that?

So I went to this thingie yesterday that was absolutely not worth my time at all. I'm starting to wonder if anything is worth my time... and what is my time worth? Because obviously my time isn't worth anything if I continuously waste it on things that don't matter and things that aren't getting me anywhere.

So I get home and the husband is sick in bed with a wicked cold. Of course the general lady population knows how the general men population is when they are sick. *cough* big babies *cough* It isn't so much that Kirby is a baby, but more on the lines that he is cranky. I want to help him and I never manage to do it in a sufficient manner and he does these gestures where he acts all frustrated like he's going to get up and do it himself (like get his medicine) when all I need to know is where it is because I never take the ibuprofen (and he does)... but instead I take an extra 15 minutes looking for it and I'm exhausted from my retarded trip and 3 hour drive as it is.

I'll be honest- I have no patience. I don't think I ever have. Sometimes it's good, but not really good for my bedside manner. I want to help him, but you have to help me help you. I'm not a mind reader. If you want a cool rag and say no the first time I offer it and then change your mind- say so. You say you're going to take care of the tooth fairy and you don't, then expect me to do it at midnight- well why didn't you just ask me to do it in the first place??

Of course I was kind of mad about that because I think he got the cold from the tooth fairy because she "forgot" Josh's tooth the first night and suddenly he's sick. Hmm?? I knew that wasn't regular dust on the collar of his 80/20 shirt.

So apparently he's well enough to go to work and leave me with the hooligans and a sore throat. I'm just so mad about so many little things going on with these kids that I just don't know where to start. I know I haven't been raising them to do the things they're doing (or not doing). So why all of a sudden are they being they way they are (or not)?

And with the oldest that is suddenly not a kid (in his eyes) and doesn't think he has to follow the house rules- well I don't really know where my place of authority is with him... Of course I'm willing to make exceptions to the house rules for any of the children if they can demonstrate the proper responsibility and own up to things like... I don't know for example, spilling things in the living room ottoman when they know they shouldn't have had them. Perhaps, then maybe I can make exceptions as long as we can continue to show we are responsible.

I don't think he should be treated with the same caliber as the younger kids (yet he is only 2 years different from MY oldest) So he's not THAT little... Hmm. I don't want to press the issue because I don't want to nag. Where is the balance? He's a guest and we love him like our own so we want him to continue to come over and stay with us, I just wish I knew how to reach out and do what's right for him. He's a good kid, but I worry about other things, too.

Well I think I've complained enough for today.

Lesson: If the catnip is empty, maybe you should get a cat to find some more.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Baby, come on baby

Yeah more babies on the mind... Is that all I ever think about? Well no, I think about other stuff, cool stuff- like UFC and Forrest's embarrassing retreat from Silva. BUT even while there at my friends and enjoying some wine while watching the fights there were *adorable* babies there.

Also, this week my friend had a baby and I got to visit them in the hospital and ohmigosh he is the cutest ever! He hardly cried and I held him for ever and ever. She's got a good little boy.

So I'm on my period (I know too much info there) but maybe it was the shirt, the way I was sitting, or the fact I could be slightly bloated. My daughter says, "mom you look pregnant!"

Wow, I am so the farthest from being 'large' by any means. So later I'm walking her and her friend down the street and she pats my belly and says "see?" to her friend.

I realize Gwyn has been asking me for a little sister, but she's pushing it.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Echos

80/20's sign said something about an echo isn't orginal. I was thinking of that. Just because every day isn't necessarily original doesn't mean it's not an echo with a different tune. All my days have been way different with the same feelings.

*sigh* I wish my echo would bounce off a different mountain.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy; I like most of my mountains, but you know if just one is crumbling it throws everything else out of balance.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Think Positive

In all honesty does it matter if you really think positive? For example: I've been waiting ALL day for a call back for a job that I really want. Well I think I want it because I need it because lets face it, I kind of suck at what I'm doing currently. I'm newer in sales (when it's not over the phone) and apparently I'm a terrible sales lady!

Don't get me wrong- I think my company has some really good stuff to sell, I want some they're that good. I believe in the product! It's inexpensive, they pay you a crap ton if you use it.... but there are so so so so so so so many associates out there selling it you really can't make it in this business unless you know someone that can give you some awesome referrals or unless you know someone that owns a business. Period. It's all about taking time and building relationships with business owners (we can also sell directly, but it saves you money if you by through your work and it saves the business owner money).

I don't have time, nor do I have patience. One of our selling points is can you survive without a check for 2-3 weeks? Well most people live check to check so the answer is no. My answer is "no" too and I've been there and done that. It sucks. So our programs are definately a good thing if you get sick or injured and can't work!

So I've decided to continue do this part time- at least until something takes off for me. Because (as per our selling point, I need money). I'll be a dirtbag insurance lady on the side if anyone wants something or has questions. I AM licensed! I'll help them out and maybe if I get lucky I'll make a couple bucks on the side.

Oh they don't tell you in the interview, but they are similar to a pyramid company. I get paid so does my mentor/trainor, his boss, and our state trainers, etc. I don't know what the breakdown is exactly, but it's a sweet deal if you can make it to the top. Which I won't because right now I'm being a Negative Nancy.

Which brings me to the point I'm ranting about. So I interviewed at this marketing firm and since a third of the city is laid off there was about 6 other people interviewing. I was told I would hear from them today or I wouldn't hear from them at all. I pondered if I should be excited and positive I would get a 2nd job or if I should just not care and be negative. I mean does it really matter when the employeer has already made up his mind yesterday? What does my attitude mean today for decisions made yesterday? Hmm??

It isn't like the employer knows that I'm being a whiney butt about it and if they weren't going to hire me what do they care if I'm being negative anyway?

Monday, August 3, 2009

10 years

I surprisingly had a lot of fun at my 10 year high school reunion!

I keep thinking Grosse Pointe Blank and how hot John Cusack is... Mmm.

I think Kirby actually had some fun, too for meeting 150 people he had never met before (of course I didn't remember a lot of them at first either). Well there was Dusty, Chris, and Joe and other facebookers whom he had met and hung around a couple times before, so it wasn't completely dreary for him.

It was so weird seeing how people have changed and grown. There was people with I mingled that I would have never talked to in school 10 years ago... also there were people I never did say hello to because I didn't recognise them!! Thank goodness for name tags, though, I think I hit most everyone up, but there was quite a few of us. It would have been more interesting I think if a larger majority of my class had shown up, but I guessed that there were probably 226 in my graduating class...

I think part of it was probably the price. It was $25 a person. I think even planning my own wedding reception for that many people it wasn't that much a head. But I don't know all the detail of the planning and efforts so I can't say why it was so expensive. Another thing I think would have been a nice touch would have been some kind of memorial for those classmates that are no longer with us. If there was one I never did see it, but I think that would have been nice.

All in all, I had a really good time and it was a lot of fun seeing old school mates. You don't realize how much of school you really don't remember until you are face to face with classmates trying to remember if you had a class together. There were people that actually didn't remember me having Gavin! I thought who could forget a pregnant girl? Apparently quite a few (too bad when I broke up with Mark senior year for 5 minutes and wanted a rebound boyfriend no one forgot then, lol).

I think I had asked just about as many of my upper and lower class men friends if they were going as those that were actually IN my own grade!

Oh well, it's good to know you have friends, right?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Baby on the mind

So my daughter has been trying to talk me into a puppy. I told her to ask her dad. She said she did and her dad said "maybe."

She also has been asking me for a little sister. I told her you don't really get a choice in the matter because it's 50% chance it could be a boy, too. Then I reminded her that babies take a long time to make and about another year before they're interesting. I said by then she'll be about 9ish and won't be interested in a baby anymore. Besides that, they cry a lot, wake you up in the middle of the night to eat, and you have to change their diapers all the time. Then they turn into bigger kids who get into your stuff. Of course, she says that's okay because she'll share everything with her baby sister, even her DS- and her brothers are all stinky boys and mean and a baby will solve all her problems (has someone been watching Maury around her this summer??).

Kirby and I have been talking about babies a little. I told him I want a little girl if he knocks me up. If he can't give me a little girl then I want an Asian boy. Because they're so gosh darned cute!

I was helping Gwyneth clean her room today and she tells me if I have a baby she'll be responsible for it. She'll change it's diaper and everything. She'll even get up in the middle of the night. Of course I may have to wake her up sometimes if she doesn't hear it crying. She put her hands on my cheeks and told me it will be completely and totally her responsibility and I won't have to worry about a thing. Even if she's playing with her friends, she'll stop to change a diaper. Then she says if she can be responsible for a baby then I can get her a puppy!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Bestest Friends

My daughter doesn't just have friends. She only has best friends. And we are having a sleep over slash late birthday party for her Friday and she wanted to remind me that she wanted ALL her best friends there and why didn't I invite so and so and why didn't I ask so and so.... *sigh* Because YOU little missy didn't get all your bestest friend's in the world phone numbers.

If I can't keep track of her best friends now- how can I keep track of her best friends when she's a teenager?

Now she's asking me to have a tea party with actual tea. She says she tried a little today and it tasted kind of good. Now she is going to play a game... and wow I thought I was random. .2 seconds later she's off to something else.