When I was growing I mentioned I was kind of an angry teenager when it came to my relationship with my dad. Just so everyone knows- my dad wasn't the only object of my anger. Also, I wasn't an angry person by any means, but like any other hormonal kid being thrown from childhood into adulthood (not to mention I thought I knew what life was all about, too) I had my share of issues. Deep down it always made me happy that my mom and him found each other again.
Anyway I always felt like I had this empty little spot. A small hole that I knew no one could ever fill except him, my dad. I'll admit I tried to find other ways to fill that gap, but was unsuccessful. No one could ever take his place. I knew I'd never be the snotty little daddy's princess... but I hoped I would have have the opportunity to build a relationship. I did. I'm so glad.
I'm still guilt ridden with the should have's in my relationship. I get so busy like everybody else, caught up in life, and forget what "life" is all about. I always think I'll do it later. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I hope I can stop to smell the flowers more.
Anyway my little hole was filled for a while. Now it's empty again. Of course I know better now than to try to fill it with something else. It's like I was putting water in my gas tank. Or substituting baking soda with flour when making pancakes (which I did once- they were so nasssty!).
Hmm. I should have told my dad that story. I'm glad he got to know the absentminded klutz that I am. I would definitely be a very boring person without my quirks.