Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Empty Little Hole

When I was growing I mentioned I was kind of an angry teenager when it came to my relationship with my dad. Just so everyone knows- my dad wasn't the only object of my anger. Also, I wasn't an angry person by any means, but like any other hormonal kid being thrown from childhood into adulthood (not to mention I thought I knew what life was all about, too) I had my share of issues. Deep down it always made me happy that my mom and him found each other again.

Anyway I always felt like I had this empty little spot. A small hole that I knew no one could ever fill except him, my dad. I'll admit I tried to find other ways to fill that gap, but was unsuccessful. No one could ever take his place. I knew I'd never be the snotty little daddy's princess... but I hoped I would have have the opportunity to build a relationship. I did. I'm so glad.

I'm still guilt ridden with the should have's in my relationship. I get so busy like everybody else, caught up in life, and forget what "life" is all about. I always think I'll do it later. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I hope I can stop to smell the flowers more.

Anyway my little hole was filled for a while. Now it's empty again. Of course I know better now than to try to fill it with something else. It's like I was putting water in my gas tank. Or substituting baking soda with flour when making pancakes (which I did once- they were so nasssty!).

Hmm. I should have told my dad that story. I'm glad he got to know the absentminded klutz that I am. I would definitely be a very boring person without my quirks.


snooks36 said...

I want you to know, your dad shared your blog with us on the chat, and I "bookmarked" it and followed it (as best as I could, cause I am computer challenged!) But I LOVED and still do LOVE your writing. (except for the one that finally answered the question of why we hadn't seen any posts from him on the eBay aol chat)However that said, I am glad I finally figured out how to log on and comment on your blog. Took me a while, but I just wanted you and your Mother to know how much we enjoyed him on in our chat room!!!!
Soon, I hope you will allow me to share some great memories we 'chatters" have of him. We and I can do that via my email if that's ok. I know you are a very very busy lady, and now have this sad time occuring, but whenever you feel like listening (or reading) to this CHATTY CATHY I would love that. Kay (aka snooks36) P.S. you can check out my ME page on eBay and read about me to give you an idea what I am about. But brace yourself. I am "OLD" and a nutcase!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Your Dad was a regular member on the Ebay AOL Cafe. He would pop in every now and then with a comment. Your right he really wasn't a chatter! But every year periodically, or when we would ask, he would post the BIG RED BUTTON. It would tell us how many days were left until Christmas. I had asked for it maybe in October and he had put it up on the board. No comment just the BIG RED BUTTON. We asked him again how many days recently and received no comment. Weird. Another week went by and our member (Ciao) started asking where is Rob? Finally Snooks found your blog and now we know.
Your Dad had told us about your blog about a month ago. You could tell he was proud of you and the kids.
He loved your Mom alot. You could tell she was the nice one and he was the codger. That is until a cat walked into his life. He told us the cat's name was Coonbutt (or maybe we started calling the cat that, I can't remember). Once in a while he would tell us something about the cat. (Most of the folks on the board love cats).
One day someone asked about Coonbutt and he said the cat had disappeared. I think he was very sad about it.
I just want you to know how smart your Dad was. He was always helping people out with their computer problems. The old timers on the board probably have lots of stories they can share with you.
Please tell your Mom about us too. He would tell us little things about her as well.
I know this is a sad/happy time of year. But when you have time please stop the "the cafe".
Merry Christmas!

Spaghetti Fields said...

You will be happy to know the cat came back. I'm not sure when, I think a couple months ago. My mom said the cat grew on him. Yeah Coonbutt is it's name. :)

snooks36 said...

I had a feeling he liked the cat, but he would never tell us that!!! Would ruin his image. LOL I wish you knew a little more about eBay auctions, cause I have a great story about when he put an auction on, because I was complaining that my buyers would NOT leave me feedback. I was stuck on 699 and wanted it to turn over to 700. He made up this brilliant auction that I will describe when I find a copy of it, and try to explain to you and other non buyers/sellers why it was brilliant and a real HOOT! You will love it. I may have one of our other chatters on that board write up the whole story. She will do it justice and you would understand it better written by her than if I write it. I need to know if it would be ok for friends of Rob's from the cafe to send cards to Carol? We don't want to infringe on her privacy, but want her to know how much we care about her.

Barbara said...

Hi..I'm Barb known as "Ciao" to the eBay posting board. Your dad never posted a lot on the board but was usually lurking and watching our eBay posting board. He would be the first to help if someone couldn't figure out something, especially if it had to do with computers and technical things. To get him down to post, I personally would ask him to "give us a sign", and he would! He would post the big red Grinch button! He had a brilliant mind and I enjoyed his dry sense of humor. I admired his frankness, and he was never afraid to speak his mind. He even shared with us a time when your mom made a zucchini bread that he wasn't very fond of. I posted a recipe for him to share with Carol that mixed zucchini and blueberries to help kill the taste of the zucchini..LOL I will miss your dad and will always remember Rob as my friend. (My ebay Id is ciao**bella)

Spaghetti Fields said...

I'm sure my mom would love any cards/stories/etc. I do not want to post their address on the internet so if you don't have it from e-bay send me an email ( and I will reply with it privately.

Anonymous said...

Gal, you are right on track I, along my other eBay aol cafe friends totally understand where you are coming from. I know I can say that for sure, and I have grown to know many of those people, to know that most if not all understand exactly what you are saying. And YES your MOTHER is now the focus because she needs you now. Not this very minute, but as my dear cousin said: It's when the people go home, and the casseroles stop coming and you are alone that is hardest. However I believe you said she works, and actually that will help her. I can't guarantee that but I strongly feel it will. She will hit many many speed bumps, along the way, and a few brick walls. I say that with experience, because I lost my DH of 9 days short of 53 years, 3 years ago. Yes it gets easier, but those pesky speed bumps trip me up when I am least expecting it!

You have a lot on your plate, and just know your priorities, which you have shown me (in your blogs)you already know how to do.....even though I don't "know" you. LOL and who cares, how onesies are spelled....when your dad or anyone else chat
corrected my spelling, I just retorted: JUST SOUND THE SUCKER OUT!
I also said "how important is it in the big scheme of things? and unfortunately I got a long explanation, of why it was important, including it told them a lot about my character, worth ethics, and etc, etc. And ya know what?

If any of my comments on your blog have misspelled words? Just Sound Them Out. ;O)

Take care of that little one, and don't forget to take care of yourself! (couldn't remember how to log in, so hopefully I can do it anonymously (snooks36) aka Kay