Thursday, September 24, 2009

Going To the Chapel

Okay here's the deal- This is probably going to sound really juvenile and childish and junior high. But I'm irritated to no end, so I'm going to blog it. Yay!!

I'm married, but every wedding makes me insanely jealous. There are like 3 going on *right now* holy cow! ...and my exiversary is also this month. Not that I allow that to bother me, but it WAS pointed out this week that it would have been 10 years. Well who can resist the 7 year itch? Besides me, or course?

Anyway, I didn't really get a wedding with Kirby and I'm okay with that. I think it would have been horridly fun to plan one and invite people and pick out colors and all that. I wish I could be involved in someones so I can do that kind of stuff because I find it exciting... Marriage is not about the wedding anyway (I had the big one with the dress and cake once) it's about the stuff after the wedding. The people committing.

Anyway- One of my friends (I keep calling her that even though we never talk) is apparently getting married super soon! I'm so excited, but she didn't tell me or anyone. OK, when I say she didn't tell anyone I mean me and another mutual friend that would probably like to share in her day. I would love more than anything to be there for her and wish her well and go shopping for a special gift. BUT I'm not on the guest list- or her list to tell people. I guess in all honesty, I had secretly hoped that I was more than that to her.

Looks like my rant is more on the lines of "I'll never understand why people are the way they are and why they throw away friendships and don't care and leave other people hanging when they thought they were really good friends, but I've known for a very long time how they feel because they don't care, but I care too much and it hurts and they'll never understand that." Don't give me crap for the run on sentence. The wedding thing is just a front because I *really* want to be there. As far as maintaining friendships- I mean, yeah she lives kind of far, many of my friends do since I moved, but I said I would be happy to drive to meet her anytime! It's not like some of my friends who live out of state, we could see each other if she wanted.

We remind me of this poem Around The Corner

I also think of my old friend Rachel and I. The only time we ever talked was when I called. The only time we ever did anything was when I went over to her or picked her up or drove. I had to practically beg the few times she bothered to go out of her way to drive to me. The only times we hung out was when I suggested it. We never did anything she ever wanted to do because it was all me me me. That is not how a friendship is supposed to be so I "broke up" that friendship and promised I wouldn't ever have another one-sided friendship again. No matter how kindred the other person seemed to be.

That is kind of how I feel with this other person. Only I haven't gone out of my way for her either. I guess it goes both ways. The part that pisses me off? As soon as I throw in the towel and close the door on the friendship- I'm reeled back in.

I just will never understand some things.

I give advice, maybe I should take my own.

Anyway I think I need to go back to bed and wake up on the right side and re-blog because BOY am I CRANKY today. To any of my friends reading this- I apologise now. I'm just trying to unscramble my thoughts and I'm really too irritated to write. It's like another friend pointed out. Being cranky is a side effect of being a woman.


Anna said...

Your exiversary clearly does bother you or you wouldn't waste the time and energy to throw it into your blog.

Spaghetti Fields said...

Perhaps Anna would be interested in the new blog: Exiversary's and Forgiveness
here is the link:

Triana said...

I can completely relate to this post as well.
I often wonder the same thing about "friends" that I thought I had, which in turn makes me contemplate whether I may do the same to others. I think that possibilty bothers me more than the original thought of why "friends" ignore me. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's hurt feelings, especially if s/he considers me a friend. Wouldn't it be nice if the whole world were on the same page?