toxic

So I went searching for my skeletons with matches in hand. I wonder if skeletons can burn? I didn't come up with any. They must really be hiding because I'm sure they're there. I am most definitely the least perfect person on this Earth.

I pulled out Pandora's box to see what I could find. I have my memories, but surely I have hard evidence. Memories are deceitful. They exaggerate, but letters, markings, and things carved to last. They do not lie. A volcano may disguise itself as a strong mountain, but trails of lava never disappear.

I did, however, come to a realization. About what I thought I once had. I know- I made a ton of blogs on love and what I thought it was, what I learned. Love is such a gray object. It can be interpreted so many different ways and there are so many different kinds and levels. It's like candy. There is no perfect kind of candy, but there is better candy. There is also your favorite candy. You can't have two favorites. One is the rare stuff you savor and make it last as much as possible. Then there is the kind that you always have around and can easily be forgotten. I am the regular favorite. The one that is always there, not being significant.

What else am I going to do? I'm not the one that got away. I'm the one you put on your grocery list and I'm the one you don't get as upset when the kids steel me when you're not looking.

The great love my heart shared... well it was all for not. My love looks like amateur wrestling. No matter what great of a show I put on it was still never going to be real. So when I did find something that was real I'm like the new guy stumbling around. I get some good shots in, but in the end I'm submitted.

You ever get the feeling you like someone more than they like you? Or they are keeping a deep secret from you because they know it'll hurt you? I'm tired of that feeling. I'm tired of the daily reminder that I will never compare. I'm tired of being 2nd place. I joke that 2 is a bigger number, but we all know 2nd is still not first.

When I think of his love and all that I do know about it, it's so intoxicating that I'm almost intoxicated, too. I almost have a notion to push them back together. They were so good together back in their day. The deserved and needed each other. They weren't living until they discovered that love. When you have had a love like that it's no wonder no one could capture your heart. You already gave it away! It makes me drunk thinking of the wreckless carefree love I could never have. The love I desire, but will never get. The love I know you spent years trying to get back. The woman that you said was your soul mate and the words weren't empty when they were uttered. They were hammered into your soul as well as hers. That love was toxic and real. My love was safe guarded and sucked out of me.

Is it better to have loved and lost than not loved at all?