frustrated

When I look at the big picture everything seems so simple, but when I'm in the midst of it nothing seems easy at all. Why is that?

So I went to this thingie yesterday that was absolutely not worth my time at all. I'm starting to wonder if anything is worth my time... and what is my time worth? Because obviously my time isn't worth anything if I continuously waste it on things that don't matter and things that aren't getting me anywhere.

So I get home and the husband is sick in bed with a wicked cold. Of course the general lady population knows how the general men population is when they are sick. *cough* big babies *cough* It isn't so much that Kirby is a baby, but more on the lines that he is cranky. I want to help him and I never manage to do it in a sufficient manner and he does these gestures where he acts all frustrated like he's going to get up and do it himself (like get his medicine) when all I need to know is where it is because I never take the ibuprofen (and he does)... but instead I take an extra 15 minutes looking for it and I'm exhausted from my retarded trip and 3 hour drive as it is.

I'll be honest- I have no patience. I don't think I ever have. Sometimes it's good, but not really good for my bedside manner. I want to help him, but you have to help me help you. I'm not a mind reader. If you want a cool rag and say no the first time I offer it and then change your mind- say so. You say you're going to take care of the tooth fairy and you don't, then expect me to do it at midnight- well why didn't you just ask me to do it in the first place??

Of course I was kind of mad about that because I think he got the cold from the tooth fairy because she "forgot" Josh's tooth the first night and suddenly he's sick. Hmm?? I knew that wasn't regular dust on the collar of his 80/20 shirt.

So apparently he's well enough to go to work and leave me with the hooligans and a sore throat. I'm just so mad about so many little things going on with these kids that I just don't know where to start. I know I haven't been raising them to do the things they're doing (or not doing). So why all of a sudden are they being they way they are (or not)?

And with the oldest that is suddenly not a kid (in his eyes) and doesn't think he has to follow the house rules- well I don't really know where my place of authority is with him... Of course I'm willing to make exceptions to the house rules for any of the children if they can demonstrate the proper responsibility and own up to things like... I don't know for example, spilling things in the living room ottoman when they know they shouldn't have had them. Perhaps, then maybe I can make exceptions as long as we can continue to show we are responsible.

I don't think he should be treated with the same caliber as the younger kids (yet he is only 2 years different from MY oldest) So he's not THAT little... Hmm. I don't want to press the issue because I don't want to nag. Where is the balance? He's a guest and we love him like our own so we want him to continue to come over and stay with us, I just wish I knew how to reach out and do what's right for him. He's a good kid, but I worry about other things, too.

Well I think I've complained enough for today.

Lesson: If the catnip is empty, maybe you should get a cat to find some more.

Baby, come on baby

Yeah more babies on the mind... Is that all I ever think about? Well no, I think about other stuff, cool stuff- like UFC and Forrest's embarrassing retreat from Silva. BUT even while there at my friends and enjoying some wine while watching the fights there were *adorable* babies there.

Also, this week my friend had a baby and I got to visit them in the hospital and ohmigosh he is the cutest ever! He hardly cried and I held him for ever and ever. She's got a good little boy.

So I'm on my period (I know too much info there) but maybe it was the shirt, the way I was sitting, or the fact I could be slightly bloated. My daughter says, "mom you look pregnant!"

Wow, I am so the farthest from being 'large' by any means. So later I'm walking her and her friend down the street and she pats my belly and says "see?" to her friend.

I realize Gwyn has been asking me for a little sister, but she's pushing it.

Echos

80/20's sign said something about an echo isn't orginal. I was thinking of that. Just because every day isn't necessarily original doesn't mean it's not an echo with a different tune. All my days have been way different with the same feelings.

*sigh* I wish my echo would bounce off a different mountain.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy; I like most of my mountains, but you know if just one is crumbling it throws everything else out of balance.

Think Positive

In all honesty does it matter if you really think positive? For example: I've been waiting ALL day for a call back for a job that I really want. Well I think I want it because I need it because lets face it, I kind of suck at what I'm doing currently. I'm newer in sales (when it's not over the phone) and apparently I'm a terrible sales lady!

Don't get me wrong- I think my company has some really good stuff to sell, I want some they're that good. I believe in the product! It's inexpensive, they pay you a crap ton if you use it.... but there are so so so so so so so many associates out there selling it you really can't make it in this business unless you know someone that can give you some awesome referrals or unless you know someone that owns a business. Period. It's all about taking time and building relationships with business owners (we can also sell directly, but it saves you money if you by through your work and it saves the business owner money).

I don't have time, nor do I have patience. One of our selling points is can you survive without a check for 2-3 weeks? Well most people live check to check so the answer is no. My answer is "no" too and I've been there and done that. It sucks. So our programs are definately a good thing if you get sick or injured and can't work!

So I've decided to continue do this part time- at least until something takes off for me. Because (as per our selling point, I need money). I'll be a dirtbag insurance lady on the side if anyone wants something or has questions. I AM licensed! I'll help them out and maybe if I get lucky I'll make a couple bucks on the side.

Oh they don't tell you in the interview, but they are similar to a pyramid company. I get paid so does my mentor/trainor, his boss, and our state trainers, etc. I don't know what the breakdown is exactly, but it's a sweet deal if you can make it to the top. Which I won't because right now I'm being a Negative Nancy.

Which brings me to the point I'm ranting about. So I interviewed at this marketing firm and since a third of the city is laid off there was about 6 other people interviewing. I was told I would hear from them today or I wouldn't hear from them at all. I pondered if I should be excited and positive I would get a 2nd job or if I should just not care and be negative. I mean does it really matter when the employeer has already made up his mind yesterday? What does my attitude mean today for decisions made yesterday? Hmm??

It isn't like the employer knows that I'm being a whiney butt about it and if they weren't going to hire me what do they care if I'm being negative anyway?

10 years

I surprisingly had a lot of fun at my 10 year high school reunion!

I keep thinking Grosse Pointe Blank and how hot John Cusack is... Mmm.

I think Kirby actually had some fun, too for meeting 150 people he had never met before (of course I didn't remember a lot of them at first either). Well there was Dusty, Chris, and Joe and other facebookers whom he had met and hung around a couple times before, so it wasn't completely dreary for him.

It was so weird seeing how people have changed and grown. There was people with I mingled that I would have never talked to in school 10 years ago... also there were people I never did say hello to because I didn't recognise them!! Thank goodness for name tags, though, I think I hit most everyone up, but there was quite a few of us. It would have been more interesting I think if a larger majority of my class had shown up, but I guessed that there were probably 226 in my graduating class...

I think part of it was probably the price. It was $25 a person. I think even planning my own wedding reception for that many people it wasn't that much a head. But I don't know all the detail of the planning and efforts so I can't say why it was so expensive. Another thing I think would have been a nice touch would have been some kind of memorial for those classmates that are no longer with us. If there was one I never did see it, but I think that would have been nice.

All in all, I had a really good time and it was a lot of fun seeing old school mates. You don't realize how much of school you really don't remember until you are face to face with classmates trying to remember if you had a class together. There were people that actually didn't remember me having Gavin! I thought who could forget a pregnant girl? Apparently quite a few (too bad when I broke up with Mark senior year for 5 minutes and wanted a rebound boyfriend no one forgot then, lol).

I think I had asked just about as many of my upper and lower class men friends if they were going as those that were actually IN my own grade!

Oh well, it's good to know you have friends, right?