Wasting away... (the real blog)

Have you ever felt you needed to say or explain something to another person and just no matter how much time, thought, or effort put anything into it?? Well I have been doing that for the last few days. I think I'm finally at a point I can relax. I'm in the clear and the issues are going to resolve themselves with out my butting in. I just hope my butting in didn't bother them too much. I don't know what's wrong with me- why I do that!!

Ugh I feel like I'm wasting my life. Like I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen and nothing is happening. Maybe I should get off of the computer. hardy harr harr

I wish I could cut myself away from the worldly things that don't matter and focus on the things that do. In turn I will become the one making things happen and creating something worthwhile. My mind is like a buzzz. what??

I didn't even like that last blog I wrote. It's like I was just filling air. Now that I got it out of the way I can write a real blog. I do that sometimes when I pray. I ramble on and on and pray for this and that and say "amen" then I'm like you know what God, that really sucked and I'm a bad prayer and then I really talk to Him.

I don't know why I'm like that. I guess I get excited to make something and get it out now and fast that I can't truly relax and do what I need to do until I'm done. Like lets see results!! Must be all that factory work I did. push push push and let someone else make sure you're making good quality crap. Only on here it's up to me to be sure it's good quality crap.

The Spaghetti's

I think he has my smile... My mom always told me I had my dad's smile, so therefore he's got my dad's smile. Cute. He is one smart little baby. He was so fussy and cranky and crying I went to get his jammies to put him to bed early. So after I got his jammies on I stand him up and he starts squealing. He laughs and squeals and has a good ole time for the next 45 minutes. Smart boy. He knew what was coming if he didn't behave.

So I was just thinking I wonder if you can ever really truly get drama out of your head. I mean it seems like my life is sometimes a soap opera. Well only in my head. Cuz the outside is normal and I think if someone were to watch me like the Truman Show they would be very bored.

I spent and hour and a half today cleaning carpets. Exciting edge of your seat stuff! I'm afraid "The Spaghetti's" would get canceled before the first season finished. That is because I can't afford those fancy writer that had the strike a few years ago.

I almost said the writers that stroked (and I know this is mean), but I pictured a bunch of elderly people out on the lawn with their pickets stroking and twitching. I never said my writing wasn't callous at points. "The Spaghetti's" -boring and offensive.

I learned something this week. If you bring your drink in the living room when you know you shouldn't and you spill it- it is much easier to clean if half of it isn't under the couch. I also learned about the real Dracula. He was a psychopath, I think. A royal psychopath. You know that he found a way to take care of the poor and sick? He invited all of them for a big dinner at his castle- and then locked them in and set the room on fire! He also impaled thousands of people (women and children included) and left them up on steaks for over 3 months to scare the Turkish army.

Also- I wanted to clear part of Garry's name. My dear old kitty. I miss him so much. A few weeks ago we stumbled upon cat puke in the kitchen. I know it wasn't Garry's ghost haunting me. Garry loved me. It was Millers. Millie the bad kitty who pukes in private and blames it on Garry!!

Butt Out

Why don't people tell me to butt out of things that aren't my business. Why can't I be wise enough to know that I need to back away?

Okay so I'm interfering on grounds that I have no right to. I think that perhaps I am too sympathetic. I feel too sorry so I want to help. I want to show that there is hope. But I'm making it worse. So I'm done. I'm done "helping" and I'm done being a part of something I shouldn't have made myself a part of. I'm done spending my time fretting and consumed by something I have no control of. I'm done making things worse.

We'll only see, right?

florescent lights flicker

Have you ever thought of someone in a certain light only to have the bulb replaced? That happened to me today and I can't stop thinking about it. How many people in my life have I been looking at under the wrong bulb?

I'd been fancying myself on how much I've matured in the last 4 years, but then something happens that shows my immaturity like a raw carpet burn. I wonder if I'm ever going to truly grow up! I'd been past hurting people. It ain't my thang!! I think for the past few years that I have been very good at not gossiping, bashing, or otherwise degrading another person. The drama llama has stalked out of my life because I was starving it.

Before you open your big mouth- My ex and I are a work in progress and you have to admit we have come a long way since my blogging drama!!

Anyway this is not about my ex. This is about a woman that I have always wished I had a small bond with and could never figure out why we couldn't connect. I honestly thought she hated my guts. I come to find now that may not necessarily be the case. I'm so confused!

She is someone that for the last 2 years I wanted to apologize for being so ignorant and stupid around her the one and only time we met like 15 years ago. She never knew it, but she has always meant a lot to me, deep down. I always felt bad I hurt her feelings and wanted to make amends- or at least get "my side" heard.

What makes her so special is she is the wife of someone I had considered at one point one of my best friends (I know I must go through them like I go through fingernail polish. That is if I wore much fingernail polish). I've always thought of her like the saying "any friend of yours is a friend of mine" kind of thing. She was important to him, so therefore she was also important to me.

So anyway I only want to help my friends and I'm afraid whatever I say or do is not going to be of any help. Some things people just have to work on their own.

Isn't it amazing how one decision someone makes can affect so many people? How a word can make or destroy a person?? I hope she can forgive me.

Spittle

Went for a drive yesterday and like clockwork as soon as I put Rowan in his car seat he spit up. He can go all day with no spittles and as soon as he sits in that seat- thar he blows!

I always put on a "riding bib" when we go, but yesterday he was like a little geyser. You just never know when he's gonna go. I ended up changing his clothes entirely before we left and got a new bib. I tucked 2 spit rigs around him in hopes of saving the outfit for our destination.

So it was quite warm in my car with the sun and the "heatwave" outside, I took off his blanket. I figure if I was hot enough to not wear a coat while driving I bet he'd get hot back there. He didn't care and by time I reached where we were going he had thrown each spit rag aside, his bib askew, spit a couple more times, took his sock off and had eaten that to a nice soggy thing and thrown it aside, too. All in all- it was a good drive for him. He was a happy boy.