Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sewing Life's Stitches

I know, I know... I've been told I haven't been keeping up my blog. Like my life- my blogs go on roller coasters. Right now I think we're on a slow uphill track, taking in the scenic route. One of those routes which you have to be there to get the vantage point.

I've been thinking about love. When I went through my divorce it was probably one of the darkest times I have ever dealt with. I think I bounced back on the outside pretty quickly, but I know inside it took me a long time to really come back.

I hurt when people I love have to go through it. I hurt when I hear about it. I think of how my heart was torn up and the blame everyone wanted to place- and the blame I placed. I don't feel very hurt at the moment, but I will never forget how it felt.

I think of where I am now. I had to go though a lot to get to where I am and so did my husband. We both went through our own personal hells and back. We both get little reminders of "what was" and perhaps once in a while something will spring a memory and we wonder "what could have been if only I..."

Honestly, I'm glad those if only's never happened. But I say that in ignorance, because no one knows what would have happened or how we'd feel today if the if only did happen. With that said would we wonder other forms of if only's?

I think of the simple decision of me filling out an application at 80/20 because I was told it was a good place to work; and I was mad at my employer at the time. Of all the places I could have randomly filled out an application to work (and I only tried the one place). That was the place were I would meet the love of my life.

It's kind of interesting when you look back and see the threads of life intertwined together. If I had missed but one stitch I'd be on a completely different path. Would I have met Kirby? Would my heart of hurt as much? Would our relationship be as strong without my pain? I don't know.

Am I thankful for my afflictions? When I was in the midst of agony- no. Looking back, yes. Without the turmoil I went through I don't think I could appreciate the life I am living now. And that is the honest truth, although I would never wish it on anyone or want to go through it again.

Lesson: Don't regret what you're going through now, even if it's bad. You can only put in another stitch and move the needle again to sew another piece of your life together.

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