Monday, January 24, 2011

sad news

I'm very sorry this evening to announce my favorite old man cat died today. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. I cried so much. If anyone wants to insult my grieving by telling me I did the wrong thing then keep your comments to yourself. If anyone has been in my shoes you know how difficult and heartbreaking this is for me. Garry has been with me for so long it feels as if a part of me died today. I have this big empty hole inside me. It's as if my arm was cut off. My thoughts are consumed with him at this moment.

We could have done a test to find out where exactly and how big the tumor was and to see if it was operable... but I didn't want to put him through surgery, especially if they couldn't guarantee that would save him... He was very jaundice so whatever it was was hurting him badly. I also couldn't take him home to let him starve himself. I even tried to entice him with some baby cereal (I remember him sneaking into Rowan's bowl several weeks ago).

I don't know if I could have done more or not. He smelled of death and I knew the end was coming. I didn't want it to be today. I didn't want it to be next week or even next year. I'm selfish. I want my cat back annoying me. Licking loud, purring loud, pawing at me.

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