controlling anger

So...  I seem to have found myself in a little rut. 

I'm finding that I'm so angry.  It frustrates me to no end when there are circumstances that affect me that are so out of my control.  It's like I'm standing on the outside looking in on other people making decisions about me.  Judging me on something they have never even seen nor experienced.

It's just not fair.  "life isn't fair" mocks me in my head.

Yeah, I know life isn't fair.  And I just really want to say or do something about it, but I know it's a moot point.  I feel so helpless and therefore I'm angry about it. 

People talk about karma.  I don't really believe in karma... so maybe karma has it out to get me and that is why I am on this string of bad luck.

I know it's not all that bad.  I still have my wonderful kids, Kirby, the cats, the dog, my job, awesome friends, co-workers, ect. and the list goes on... but some of this stuff.  Well it's a matter of principal and a matter of my own self worth.

Someone told me the other day to forget about pleasing people because I never will.  If I please myself I'm being selfish... so who should I please?  God.  I should do what I do for Him.  Ok, that makes it a little better to swallow.  But still... I don't understand what God's will is in allowing me to "take the hit" so to speak.  A "hit" that will now taint me for the rest of my life.  Haven't enough bad things already happened to me?

 

turn of events

If someone hurt you so deeply and so profound that it's affected you for the rest of your life...  If you've forgiven them in your heart... but still have a ball of pain locked away...  and they suddenly return.

How are you supposed to feel?  What should you say?  Anything?  What do you do?

What if all the hurt comes back?  

Yeah, I don't know either.   

more car drama

So today I call my insurance company and it gets even better.  Apparently the officer that wrote up the report stated that we were both at fault.  I just want to say What The Potato Salad??  Are you kidding me?  She hits ME and then she RUNS off and I'm partially at fault?  I've gone over that scenario a billion times in my head.  There is no way I was at fault. She hit me from behind and continued to pass me through the turning lane.  

I should have just let her drive off because I had her license plate #'s.  Uggh.

So basically it's my word against hers.  I've never been in a fender bender in the 16 years I've been driving.  Except that one time I accidentally backed into my ex's car shortly after I found out about the affair.  That was a total freak accident and since that car was technically mine I didn't do a report.   LOL  

Oh yeah and my insurance company calls and says that my name is incorrect on the report.  They submitted some form to the BMV and apparently your names have to match exactly as it is on your license or they will suspend your license.   Great.

Apparently the only person who can amend the report is the police officer himself.

I'm so irritated and annoyed.

So I'm doing this 30 days of thankfulness crap on face book.   Yeah...   I'm not feeling very thankful about much right now.  I told Kirby I need like a pound of chocolate.   

cars go smash!

Sometimes if Rowan is being impatient in traffic he will say "just crash those cars out of the way!"

Well apparently another driver last night had the same mentality of my 3 year old...  So I was turning into a turn lane and she apparently was driving in the median because she totally sideswiped me!  I stopped on impact, but she kept a go-go-going.  

 I stopped on the initial bump at the back of my car.  I wouldn't have been worried about it at all at that point, but she just totally blew me off the road.   Sort of.  So it gets better.  She doesn't stop then!  The light happened to turn green and she goes!  I'm still in shock, but I chase her down.  Through a large parking lot and down a side street!  By this time I called the police and I told them I got side swiped and she drove off... and I was following her.  She goes around to another shopping center lot and finally parks. 

She gets out and tells me she had an interview near here.  Needless to say she missed her interview.  I was feeling really sorry for her last night because she was very young, but at the same time she needs to take responsibility.  I hope she was able to reschedule her interview.

lovemeowing again

I don't know if I ever told you guys, but I got a new cat... um like over a year ago.   Better to announce this late than never.  I guess I should have made my Meow announcement before the Bandit announcement.   

So...  after my old man cat Garry got sick Poor Gary Kitty  and died (even now it is so hard to say that without tears trying to overcome me) I didn't think I would ever get another cat.  It just hurts so much sometimes.

Anyway fast forward from Jan 2011 to June 2012 and some texts and photos from my cousin in Elkhart- (that's a couple hours drive from where I live) and bam! I have another cat.  Basically- she was taking a couple of her kids to the bus stop (she's got like 5 of various ages like me) and there was this kitten stranded!  She took him home and found out he was box trained and super sweet.  So she sent me a message and basically told me her husband might kill her if she rescues another animal.

So she brought him up from Elkhart and he came home.  Rowan named him Meow.  He is appropriately named as he is the most vocal cat I've ever had.  In recent days we can even have a conversation. 

My conversation goes something like this:
"Did you have a good day today?"
"Meow!"
"Did you tease the dog?"
"Meow meeeow"
"I see.  How did you and Millie get along?"
"Meow"
"So you didn't fight too much?"
(silence)
"How many strings did you steal?"
(silence)  Yup, Meow has a string fetish.... 
"Ok, I understand.  You don't want to get yourself in trouble."
"Meeeow!"
"Are you hungry?  Did you have a good lunch?  How was your yummy cat food?"
"Meow Meeeow Meow"

So Meow is black...  And has a lot of Garry's personality.  I think they might be distant cousins.  Below is when he was learning to use the cat door.   Now I fear he may be getting too tubby to fit at the rate he's grown!    

It was mentioned I should put my "life lessons" like I used to when I blogged more consistently.  I don't know if I have a life lesson...   I guess I could say don't let getting hurt prevent you from loving again.  Sometimes protecting yourself can make you feel even more empty than just risking it.