Monday, November 25, 2013

controlling anger

So...  I seem to have found myself in a little rut. 

I'm finding that I'm so angry.  It frustrates me to no end when there are circumstances that affect me that are so out of my control.  It's like I'm standing on the outside looking in on other people making decisions about me.  Judging me on something they have never even seen nor experienced.

It's just not fair.  "life isn't fair" mocks me in my head.

Yeah, I know life isn't fair.  And I just really want to say or do something about it, but I know it's a moot point.  I feel so helpless and therefore I'm angry about it. 

People talk about karma.  I don't really believe in karma... so maybe karma has it out to get me and that is why I am on this string of bad luck.

I know it's not all that bad.  I still have my wonderful kids, Kirby, the cats, the dog, my job, awesome friends, co-workers, ect. and the list goes on... but some of this stuff.  Well it's a matter of principal and a matter of my own self worth.

Someone told me the other day to forget about pleasing people because I never will.  If I please myself I'm being selfish... so who should I please?  God.  I should do what I do for Him.  Ok, that makes it a little better to swallow.  But still... I don't understand what God's will is in allowing me to "take the hit" so to speak.  A "hit" that will now taint me for the rest of my life.  Haven't enough bad things already happened to me?


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