So I'm treading the water constantly moving only to look at the shore and see that I've not really gone that far of a distance. Why is it when you try to move you don't, but if you're adrift at sea the land falls further and further from your site when you don't want it to? You desperately paddle and swim back, but it's a futile attempt.
I'm at full speed, but maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I don't even know what I want sometimes.
I'm finding I do have fears and I can't confront them because I don't know how. I have an excuse for them. They tumble from my tongue before I even know what I'm thinking. I had to take a good hard long look in the mirror and confess to myself that I'm weak. I told myself I was, but I had to admit it out loud for the part of me that was apparently in denial.
I thought I could do something and I failed. I don't even know if I really gave it my best shot. I guess every day in life people learn things about themselves and I have learned some more about me. I find that exciting, yet horridly inconvenient. When I thought I knew me best, why couldn't I have known this particular thing about me before?
I know I'm not the only confused and frustrated person out there. Everyone is at one point. Life as I discover is a lot of different things. Right now it's laughing at me, I think. I hope it's a funny joke and one day I can laugh too. Laughing is fun to do!
Lesson: if you want to try something, be sure you really want to try it. If the consequences are long term, be prepared to accept them. This is where you can say "I told you so" but I know you haven't yet, so I said it for you- on the Internet.