Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm The Antagonist

Oh for crying out apples! I know I complained my last blog about the kids. I since had a good lecture/talk with them about fighting. I will say they have improved in some areas. Gwyneth is the biggest problem and we are working hard.

Its tough being the youngest AND only girl. Often she's the one to get fed up first and lash out in her frustration. She starts as many with everyone as they start with her- so yes most of the problems with bickering center around her.

I wonder if I have been raising the kids right? They do what I ask, but won't go the extra mile. For example: I was left 3 squares in their bathroom (theirs is closer). So I took the empty roll off and left the holder on the sink. I asked one of them to get some more. They left it on the sink next to the holder. Come on- it would take an extra 3 seconds to put the roll on the holder.

They only do the bare minimum. They fight and jump on volunteering over the easy chores (like feeding the cats and recycles), but heaven forbid anyone offer to vacuum or sweep. Or anything that will require a little effort.

When did they get so lazy and selfish? I ask for a water and someone put my empty ones in the fridge instead of rinsing out and refilling.

Where is the desire to help and do the right thing? Where are is the desire for doing hard work and a good job? Don't they want to blow me away with how great they really are? Shouldn't I brag how helpful they have been? I know if anything happens to me when I'm an old lady it's straight to the nursing home. That is the attitude they have shown me this last week. Is this how you really treat anyone that needs help??

Of course it would be blasphemy if I didn't mention the last time we went grocery shopping they were ideal and perfect in every sense. Didn't ask for anything, didn't fight, offered to get heavy items, bending over for me- and even putting away when we got home! I took them to eat and it was perfect. I felt like the worlds best mom.

Why are things with the kids so sporradical? I know they have it in them- why can't I have it now? I am so needy now than before.

I know- I'm on a total rant. My BP is probably ridiculous from my stress. Who ever thought it would be so stressful sitting on the couch all day?? Lol. Only I could make being laid up (with a fancy phone, books, word search, tv, etc at my fingertips, etc) something to complain about.

It's like I lost my happiness and can't get up to look for it. I don't want to be so negative all the time. I hate nagging and lecturing the kids. I certaintly don't want to stress Kirby out- but I lynch him as soon as he walks in the door. What happened to my smile? It didn't break with my ankle, did it?

Do I have to zap the zest around everyone that comes in contact with me? Nag, yell, complain, cry? I know this is only temporary. I know in no time I'll be chasing after a little toddler and going to middle school concerts.

I wish I could go sit at the table and chat Kirby's ear off about everything like normal. It's just such a pain to feel like I have to yell across the house to talk to him. I miss the attention I used to steal from him. Hovering when he cooks, following him like a lost puppy just to be close... I know he's too busy to come to me and give it to me... I can't expect him to all the time.

I guess it's no mystery why I plowed through 4 700+ page books in a week. Anyway my stomach is hurting: cramping up. I really kinda thought today would have been a good birthday, but he's only teasing me with braxton hicks.

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