Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I prayed

For a sign, a definite sign. I've always wanted a fleece on the grass type of sign, but in this day and age I think even if I got my sign I probably wouldn't recognise it. All I want is a "yes" or a "no" to a decision I just can't make on my own.

So I consider myself semi-religious. I haven't gone to church since before my divorce, but I do pray every day. Okay most days. I try to remember to. I used to read the bible every day, but I don't any more, it is in my living room when I get a hankering to... It's one the preacher's wife gave to the Ex and I. It's a "couples" bible and I don't like it for that reason... I used to go every Sunday- drag the kids out of bed and make them go to Sunday school (even though I have never been partial to Sunday school myself) because it was "good for them" The ex would never go with me because of the hypocrites. He would say he would and promise, but would never follow through. So I went by myself- with the kids.

So church hasn't worked out for me and I keep telling myself I want to go and I need to go and I should teach my children religion so they can grow up and make the right decisions and moral values... Not that I don't do a good job on my own- I just think that religion is important.

Anyway- I'm faithful enough that I believe God would lead me in the right path. I'm one of His children. Not a very good one, but one at least.

I don't think I shove religion in people's faces or rub my righteousness in the airs about my head. In fact, I guess I would consider myself more of the meek kind. I don't like to be outwardly judged by my actions because I know I'm not the epitome of perfection people expect from those that proclaim to be religious. I have my faults and I know they're big. I stumble quite a bit, dust myself off and trip again. I do that in more than a metaphorical way, too.

Well I'm waiting for my answer, for my sign. I'm waiting for the empty feeling to be filled. Somehow I don't think a "yes" or "no" will really give me the answer to the questions I have. But perhaps it's a start. What I need is a direction.

Lesson: Praying is good for you, so don't forget your prayers, sometimes God can help you sort out your life, too.

1 comment:

mollie.dirig said...

Prayer is a good tool. So is the Bible. I think you would find more of your answers if you were praying and reading, communicating with God as a friend who is right there beside you. We all have our faults, but you know, Jesus died for all of us. We are all sinners. Big sin, little sin all equal sin. And it's not about being "religious". I am a Christian, more importantly, a believer. There is a song that says, "I am a friend of God. He calls me friend." Any one can be at that place if they choose to be.