Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Was Abducted

Okay not really, but where did the last several days go? I'll be honest. I have been cranky. I all started when I wasn't having a good day. We all have bad days right? And I think we should. We have to have bad days to show us how good our good days are. We can't take for granted every piece of happiness thrown our way. We have to appreciate what we have. And sometimes, even though we know we are greatful for what we have- we still have our bad days. It happens.

I had objected to myself on writing a blog that was unhappy becuase it wasn't the me I wanted to display. But in all honesty I'm not always the happy go lucky person I make myself out to be. So the next day came and it was still a bad day and so on and so forth... Needless to day I'm still having a bad day. I guess that is turning into a bad week?

Don't get me wrong- my valentines was fantastic. I was totally going to write a sappy blog and make every single (and married) woman jealous. But I was just plain busy (it was a pretty good weekend). Don't worry I'll still make you jealous, just not right now. I'm just not into it. I want my heart and soul into the color green so I can paint the picture and etch it into your minds.

Anyway I ask myself why am I so cranky? Well a lot of reasons. Firstly work. And I guess the main reason I have sucked it up for so long is because I know there are a lot of people out there hurting for money. But really does a person have to put up with emotional and mental abuse for the sake of a few bills? I guess the answer is yes, because I have. Things were really bad for a while. Last Christmas time a girl (someone who's opinion I value) said she would punch me in the face because I didn't know the owners son and I was basically lynched by my supervisor... I blogged about my experience on myspace. The blog is now private.

The people that commented to me on my myspace blog suggested that I have a private talk with her (supervisor) behind closed doors (it's like they didn't even read my blog). Well I would- if I trusted her. But I don't. I know for a fact that she gossips about me behind my back. I've caught her. I don't know what I would say would stay behind those closed doors, and quite frankly I doubt I would see any changes. The majority of my problems IS not with my co-workers (though that one comment hurt pretty badly) it's with her. I can't even go to her for help without her rolling her eyes, sighing heavily, or shuffling her papers like I'm bothering her. And no, I'm not just being sensitive- she doesn't act that way with the people she likes. She acts happy to help... She obviously has favorites in the group. Unfortunatly I'm not the only one she doesn't like. She has a very keen way of humuliating you in front of everyone and I've seen her do it to others. I can't even defend myself, much less defend someone else. When I see her do it I really want to say something, but I don't.

It isn't that she makes a good argument, it's that she is so adament about her point of view it doesn't matter what your opinion is. I have tried to be so nice. I have gone out of my way specifically for her to please her and do what I think would make her happy. But I always fall short. It's very stressful.

I understand I can't please everyone and I know that not everyone is going to like me and vise versa. But we work together and this is my supervisor. I wish she could put her issues with me aside for the sake of the team so we can just do our jobs pleasantly. Or get me fired and let me collect unemployment. I get the feeling sometimes maybe they want me to quit...

Nextly is my medication. Enough said there. It does a lot of weird things to my body. I started another one for another problem I have and it is in the process of tearing my insides out. Taking all these pills seriously depresses me, and especially my... I'll call it my "w" pill. It is for the gift I got that keeps on giving. I have some serious freakish health issues going on with me and a lot of aches and pains I haven't even complained to my husband about. I feel like I complain so much about my head and numb fingers (and I got a new one- my face goes numb sometimes, too) and my memory is shot- that what is another complaint about my body hurting in another place? It isn't going to make a difference. I'm not even 30 I shouldn't have these problems.

Oh and lets not forget- it's probably stress, but I've been working a mild migraine for the last 3 days. I had a headache for several days last week but it's trying to go full blown on me. I tell myself if I can eliminate what is causing the distress in my life I will become a much healthier person... and in that- a much happier person.

I guess that isn't going to happen any time soon so what I think I need is a good dose of sunshine and laughter.

Life lesson: You gotta keep plugging away- I'm not a steam engine, but something interesting and better could be around the next corner.

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