Thursday, June 25, 2009

I had a nice blog

Until it was ruined by drama. Although I like to vent and get things off my back (tell me what blogger doesn't) my blog is not meant for petty back and forth and argument. Not to mention how does that reduce stress? Life does not go on this way. That is what this has turned into.

If we, my children's other family and ME, are going to get a long we will have to learn to communicate better. Calling me: Selfish, holier than thou, spiteful, hateful, self-serving, saying my mom is too drunk, my mom is Nazi, poor innocent me, accusing me of running my mouth, calling me selfishness, ridiculous, vindictive, spiteful, hypocritical, petty, disgusting, disrespectful, calling me a fetal alcohol syndrome moron, and dumb ass does not get us anywhere. The name calling didn't get Mark or I very far when we were going through our divorce. To be completely honest, as much as I know the kids need to see their family. Seriously, if I treated YOU like that would you want your children to spend a week with me?

Now, on that same note I have thrown some names as well, so I'm not completely innocent of the trash talk. I said Adam had the maturity of a school boy, he was rude, crass, jerk, and jealous. I said Lisa can trash, run her mouth, and her comment was snide. I called ma baby daddy, ma baby daddy, I said ignorance must be bliss (which isn't even calling a name), and I called him an ass and jabbed at sperm donor.

With that said, I have NEVER, EVER called him or anyone a name in front of the children. In fact, when his weekends are over and Gwyn is crying I'm the one wiping her tears telling her it won't be long that she'll see her daddy again. I hold her and coddle her and give her loving because she wants her daddy. Yeah, those parts his family doesn't see. I don't blog them. They will never know what it's like to be on this side.

So we need to stop the comments, anonymous and not, and start to learn to communicate. It will never work they way any of us want to if we don't. As the kids get older they will start to understand and learn what is going on more and more. I guarantee. Then none of us will "look" good. They are are smart. They probably already know, I don't doubt, but they love us anyway. Because I have the best kids around and their love is way better than any love us adults can possibly give.


Lisa said...

I must say this is a song of a different tune perhaps you did get the underlying message and I hope that this is genuine and you can learn to keep the personal stuff personal.

The only problem I have is that you say you never call anyone names in front of the children, nor do we by the way, you brought on the blog war, back to my point you are saving all this nonsense to give them when they are adults. Why? What will they really learn from it? How terrible their parents treated each other, is it worth it when you want them to be happy. I get life isn't perfect especially through divorce but never is there a right time to drag anyone through the mud so publically. I'm not saying Mark is perfect I'm sure he has pushed your buttons but I can say I've looked at his facebook and nowhere is your name ever mentioned except for when Todd brought it up once and it was immediatly dropped.
I hope you and Mark can figure out a way to be nicer to each other. More importantly though and my only reason for even getting involved is I hope you will leave this family out of your blog.

Spaghetti Fields said...

I've thought about this comment Lisa made a lot. I didn't make this "communication" blog for her or any of that family.

I made it for me.

I'm the one that was tired of being lynched and tired of the bickering. Of course it's easier for me to fight and nit pick back, but it takes a bigger person to step up and choose to stop the fighting. I didn't want all that on my site and frankly- I'm embarrassed to have it on here, but I'm leaving it because it is what it is.

I chose to call Mark AFTER I made this blog and I owned up to the nit picking I did to him (i.e. the grammar I made fun of) and we- Mark and I- agreed to try to communicate better. I asked him to tell his family to butt out and let us resolve our issues on our own. I agreed to him that if his family is nice to me I will be nice back. Fair enough.

We also talked about our issues that we have (the reason we had a miscommunication and startd to fight in the first place) and are going to work on it. It is both our faults. Not just mine and not just his. I never did blame him for this fiasco anyway.

He also knows I have a blog says he really doesn't care. I told him what was in it and what was going on. According to him he didn't even know his family was even talking to me or anything! You know what- I believe he was being genuine.

Anyway this blog is my place to do as I please and I always have. He has no control over me as does anyone else in his family. The things that I have said as far as "dragging everyone through the mud" I honestly think everyone that chose to get themselves involved has made it into something it isn't. Everyone wants to be angry with me and find anything and make it into something bad. For example, the imfamous "uncle chuck" reference- I will reiterate was an enlightenment on MY part. It was not meant to be nasty.

Of course I tried to explain that multiple times and the only one that listened and understood WAS Mark.

I liked most of the family, that family is my children's family. I have to share the 2 most important people in my life with them. Of course I want to be on good terms.

It's hard when you're being verbally abused and dealing with the private email with Lisa I've come to realize 2 things. #1 it doesn't matter how I explain things or what I say or do she's about as stubborn as I am. If she wants to find fault with me she is going to. #2 She's not the person she projects herself to be on my blog comments.

That is all I have to say as far as the rest of that drama is concerned. The rest of it has been dealt with privately. Not per Lisa's request or anyone else. Because I wanted to get it off of here. This is MY blog. My happy place (where I sometimes complain).