Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ma Baby Daddy (drama)

Here is the deal. I'm going to complain. I will give a back story so you know what I'm talking about. I try sooo hard not to bring baby daddy to the blog but sometimes you have to let it out.

So here is the background: I will spare you the Indiana Parenting Guidelines, but if you want to read here is the link: http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/index.html#_Toc189562155

Now, I remind him of all the notices that he (baby daddy) has when it comes to stuff and told him over and over about giving me notice of what weeks he wants the kids for summer. Of course as usual he doesn't answer me.

He didn't take the kids last summer except for his every other weekend. Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing the kids on him... But I know he works wacky hours so I try hard to cooperate with his schedule. Kirby and I are doing something new with Josh and Cruz and I thought it was great idea if we could get on the same page: instead of every other weekend we are doing 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off, switching on Wednesdays... (not to mention this will give more time to the non custodial parent- i.e. baby daddys Kirby and Mark).

Last year we couldn't do anything "fun" because of getting one child to one place or another. It was really a pain. For example, Gwyn wanted to go to the state park for her birthday and it was cut short by like 4 hours because we had to drop off a child at a certain time on the weekend. Another time we tried to go camping and had to cut that trip short as well because we had to drop off children to a parent by a certain time. This would give us 2 weekends with no time constraints on our plans. *perfect* Right??

Well first off I pitched the idea to ma baby daddy who didn't give me any ideas at all on his plans by April 1st. He thought it was a great idea. As usual he never answered me and I had to get a hold of him later on (conveniently). <-- sorry for my snide comments I'm a little angry writing this, but I'm trying really hard to keep to the facts and less of my opinion. So right off the bat I lost my first weekend of my 2 weeks in June. I also lost a weekend the 4th of July because I had the kids last year and "it's only fair" he have them. So we did something last weekend and our next plan is July 10 trip. Then I had Aug 1, and Aug 7 weekend. Well I get an email asking about a WI trip for the kids for 3 days the first week of Aug (my week). Okay. Then I get an email asking about 3-7 Florida trip. Okay....3rd is a Monday- I can still pull off my plans for that weekend... 7th is cutting into it, but maybe I can work around it (I get the email on the 14th so I'm thinking about my plans). Then I get bombarded with all these texts... He text asked if I got the email and I shall share the rest of the conversation (with my smart alec comments):

Me: (I get text asking if I got emails and stuff so I answer him) Are you working?

(I'd rather call so we can discuss as Kirby and I are sitting at the table scratching our heads trying to re-plan our plans for that week. We are losing 2 weekends if we want to go out of town... Looking at the calendar the only weekend we will be able to do ANYTHING is the one we just did and the weekend we planned on the 10th.)

Me: (Again because he doesn't answer in forever). Do you have to do it on that week? When are you planning on leaving and coming back- are you flying?

Ma Baby Daddy: Yeah that's when Todd is off. 2-7 (okay thanks for answering the rest of my questions).

Me: When are you leaving and when are u coming back- and are you driving or flying?

Ma Baby Daddy: We're flying. Not sure exact times yet. I wanted to get with u first.

Me: Well this is eating into 2 of my weekends i already lost 4th of july to you so we are trying to rearrange our plans to fit everything in that we wanted to do so that is why we need to figure this out so it works for both of us...

Ma Baby Daddy: We can trade a week.

Me: Wont work cuz the stuff we wanted to do i wanted to do w/ everyone and I have plans next week and the week after the vacation. Maybe u can let me have the 4 th?

Me: We are trying to coordinate with the other x too.

Ma Baby Daddy: So you had planned the 2-7?

Me: (duh) Well it was my week and i had plans but i'm trying to find a yay (thanks t-9, supposed to be way) to make it work for us all. I really wanted josh and cruz w/ us for our big plans. And if we trade weeks we won't have the boys

Ma Baby Daddy: k it's the only chance in years they'll have to see their cousins and todds kids are your round in school and have that week off. (I'm not stupid).

Me: I understand that. It's fine they can go im just asking if i can have the 4 th since i am losing a week and have to shuffle my plans

Ma Baby Daddy: Yeah if that's what you wanna do

Me: Well i was already shorted that first weekend in june then a weekend in july (4th) so if you take a week away in august that messes up 2 more weekends. I had plans for every weekend off and now we can only do one thing (july 10) that is why I was asking for the 4th weekend. Of course I want them to see family i know they don't see them so don't talk down to me. u are getting them practically the whole summer (he watches the kids while I work, btw) and that was my time- again. (I was still kind of mad and I wanted him to understand that I was going out of my way so he could have them more. Because he acts like he "doesn't get" that he's messing with my plans... kind of like Mother's Day. Oh if you haven't noticed I'm still quite bitter about that).

Ma Baby Daddy: You get them all year all the time. if the summer is your time too then what do I get? I told you I don't care if you get them the 4th as long as they get to see fireworks then it doesn't matter. (Um like you can control what I do, I don't boss you around on days you have them, how about you take them to the ocean?? Hmm??)

Me: I don't want to fight. U need to read the indiana parenting guidelines. I can send u a link if you want. U are supposed to tell me ur summer plans by April 1 -u didnt- we share the summer. i am being nice not a bitch. I am not a bad ex. U are taking advantage of me being nice as usual.

Ma Baby Daddy: You're giving me a hard time about one week I want to take them on a nice vacation with there family. How is that being nice. You can't switch cuz you won't sacrifice you're own plans on the weeks you don't have them, and the parenting guidelines don't say anything about you have to have them the same time as your step kids. How is asking for one week taking advantage? cuz I didn't give you 4 months notice, just 2? (if it were 2 months wouldn't that technically be the 2nd of June?) It's one week! And I told you I'd switch or give you more weekends (and I told him I can't- because I have plans that can't be cancelled the weeks we don't have kids. Does he expect me to take an out of town trip with Josh and Cruz and then another one with Gavin and Gwyn? Does that make sence?)

Me: (I'm getting frustrated because he obviously doesn't listen to anything I'm trying to say or appreciate that I'm bending over backwards for him... -a "thank you" would be nice. I should have bit my tongue but I didn't) U obviously dont know anything. Ignorance must truly be bliss.

I text Kirby: Doing the training sales call thing but it was boring so I text mark to get that thing straightened out and he is such an ass and i'm trying so hard not to fight or be mad. (I try to just not text ma baby daddy anymore because I know it's going to end in a fight now.)

Ma Baby Daddy: Do u realize the only day you miss is the 2nd? They'll Be here during the week anyway. (oh and he knows my schedule??)

Ma Baby Daddy: I know you went on two vacations last year without the Kids. Honestly, what parent gets off work for vacation and doesnt take their kids somewhere.

Me: (okay I know it's ridiculous because he is only pressing my buttons now, but it really irritates me when he thinks he knows everything and doesn't know jack.) Well not that it is ur business but since u want to poke ur nose into it i volunteered those vacations. So i was WORKING maybe u should know what ur talking about before starting something. (ps I hope he wasn't referring to my honeymoon because who brings kids to that???).

Ma Baby Daddy: Oh man you got me

Ma Baby Daddy: Cuz you working at the booth is way more important

Me: (I'm fed up by this time and his unappreciative behavior towards me.) U know what forget about the kids going to florida. They can wait till it is your week. I let you have them on mothers day and bent over backwards enough for u. We will keep our original schedule we agreed to. U want to be an ass to me then be one...

I text Kirby: He made me mad so I said no to florida. I'm sure i will hear it. Sorry to disappoint u.

Ma Baby Daddy: They can only go 2-7. You don't do anything but give me a hard time. I'll tell Todd and everyone you said they can't go

Ma Baby Daddy: Even tho it's just half a day on the second. It's not about me or u. It's for the kids. (funny he said the same thing when we got into a fight about him taking the kids on MOTHERS day for wrestling... which I gave into)

Ma Baby Daddy: I was only an ass cuz you called me ignorant. You get what you give. Don't make the kids suffer cuz you want to prove something.

Okay I know that was read-y. I had a lot of time, obviously. But when it came to the disastrous Mothers Day you can read it here: http://oldspaghetti.blogspot.com/2009/06/still-pissed-grrrrr-tuesday-april-28.html Which, in the end they went and spent the majority of the day with their FATHER. No "thanks you" from him for me letting him have them.

In conclusion:

So of course I'll let the kids go to Florida and let them see their family (I'm tempted to wait until he gives me an apology, but I know he wouldn't know what it was for that was pretty much my marriage). Don't worry I won't get into that disaster. Besides I have what was left of my blogs.

The last time I saw that side of the family (when I was a part of it) was 2004. Gwyn was barely 2 years old. So this will be exciting and fun for them! It would just be nice if ma baby daddy would appreciate that I DO make sacrifices for them and if once in a while he would "bend over" as much as I do. So far what plans has he ever given up? When have I ever said "no?" Even in the middle of the school week when he asks for them I let him have them (and there is a tardy on their report card so he brought them in late once). When he says he needs to drop them off early or pick them up late (sometimes messing up my Friday plans, yes) I allow him. Most of the time I don't complain.

In fact I'd rather not even talk to him- ever. But I know I have to. So it would be nice if we could find a way to communicate with out getting into arguments or fights. It would be nice if he acknowledged what I do for him so he can have the kids more and see them more.

Okay I'm stopping now because I wrote another whole paragraph I had to delete... It's hard not to go on and on sometimes, but I'm biting my tongue- or rather biting my fingers.

Lesson: I've said it once and I'll say it again. Do no favors for the ex because they are not going to do any favors for you.


mollie.dirig said...

Amen sister! I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. I wish there was a way that exes could co-exist, that we could all take care of the family and ourselves without sacrificing our souls... I don't fight Nick too much anymore - tho he may not agree - he has a wacky schedule too and I just try to wing it with him. It is really irritating but it is all for Xander after all.. Ask Paul sometime tho about how I act after I let Nick have whatever it was he wanted.. lol. Anyway. I'm with ya, the ex sucks. That is why he is the ex.

Anonymous said...

What a load of garbage. This coming from the most selfish, holier than thou person I have ever met. To deny the two kids a trip to Florida to see their family; to deny cousins to meet for the first time only because she is so spiteful and hateful and self-serving its ridculous.

Anonymous said...

anonymous should have read through the entire thing or else they would know that spaghetti said she wanted the children to go to florida to see the family. I think anonymous is an ignorant fool who should learn to read and then make their views known before posing and looking like the ass they are. But thanks for the laugh. ps baby daddys suck he should understand spaghetti's situation and be thankful she's not a bitch like some ex's I know.